Four O' Clock
by Vashagud
Summary: Sephiroth tries to make sense of a post war world, and a flowergirl that stands firmly outside of it. AU. Aeriseph.
1. Chapter 1

He meant only to get the cigarettes for his mother. He had just enough loose gil in his jacket to get them, and none to spare, even though he had wondered if there would be enough to get a some kind of candy for his little brother, something small.

"You're just a girl, how to do you expect-"

"Please, I'm at work-"

Sephiroth turned at the voices, there was a man in a dark suit, a girl at the grocery flower counter. In the dissonance between them, he wondered how they even knew each other. The man snorted softly, Sephiroth barely heard it.

"Work." the man in the suit said, smiling. "Work." he said seriously now.

"Please leave." the girl said, hands resting in a bed of tissue paper, unwrapped flowers.

"Who will protect you?" the main said, turning slightly into the light to glance once at Sephiroth, as if he knew he was being watched. "Who will tolerate your trouble?" he said quietly, and Sephiroth looked away then, from the flowergirl who only stared but did not answer.

He went to checkout, dug around in his leather jacket for the gil. The woman at the register was Wutain and old, and for a moment he couldn't move his legs or his arm in order to point to what he wanted.

She looked at him, like so many did. Apparently he had been on the news. A solid run of eight weeks, even after the war had ended. He took his receipt and headed out of the doors.

He had planned on walking back into Midgar, just for air. He had bought a brand new car some weeks ago, but he didn't like to sit in there long. Neither did he like to languish in his new apartment or his mother's house. Everywhere he went, it seemed there were more enclosed spaces.

He had made it nearly three miles before he came upon a rusted pink car parked the on the shoulder. He had seen it pass him a while ago, and he stopped when he saw a young girl circling around the car, a hand to her mouth.

With a sputtering groan, the pink car started to smoke. The girl looked up at him and he noticed that it was girl from the grocery market, the flowergirl. He could tell by the way she looked at him, that she knew who he was.

He frowned. No doubt she was expecting him to help. He was a _hero_ after all. He entertained a brief fantasy of walking right by her. And he had started to, almost made it passed. But she touched him. On his arm. He felt a question in him as to why she would, and an anger because she had no right.

"My phone is dead." she said, and he stopped, turned around. He said nothing, thought perhaps the man in the suit had been right. She was just a girl, she looked like one. Her small breasts, still forming hips, child eyes. She looked so _young_. But he had killed younger children. He put a hand over his face.

"Are you okay? Sir?" she asked, and in the way she said it, he suddenly knew that she did _not_ know who he was.

"Fine." he said, fishing his phone from his pocket. He flipped it open and gave it to her.

"Thankyou." she said, and he turned to look at the traffic. And when she made the call, he went on his way, and left her there, at the side of the road.

When he arrived at his mother's house, it was eight o clock and his younger brother Yazoo opened the door, lifted his eyebrows.

"You're late." Loz said from across the room, and Yazoo moved slowly towards where Loz was setting the table. Sephiroth was glad to have gotten the boy nothing, he didn't actually deserve it.

There were times he felt sorry the children had to live in the house. He after all had lived in it years before they had, knew the terror of their mother better than anyone, the cruelty of their obsessive and oft absent father, but somehow it had taken him years to leave.

Even after he had been drafted, even after the war, he found himself still returning. And he could never understand why. His mother had sent him a slew of letters, had left even more voicemails on his domestic phone, asking for assistance, for money, that he come home, that he was an _ungrateful child for not answering any of the calls, letters, that she may be dead when he got home, and how would he like that?_

Jenova entered just as Loz was putting the last plate down. She smiled, and Sephiroth knew that at one time, she must've been beautiful. Even in his first memory of her, she had been teetering between her youth and what she was now.

She held out her hand and Sephiroth gave her the cigarettes. He'd given up trying to tell her how bad they were for her.

"Loz, you big oaf. Be careful with my precious china." she said around a cigarette, pulling her silver hair up into a loose bun. It was more grey now. "Yazoo, is dinner ready?"

Yazoo only nodded, headed back into the kitchen.

"Sephiroth, go get your father." Sephiroth stood where he was and looked into her bright green eyes. Those were the only things that had never changed. She smiled, and narrowed her eyes. "Well?" she said, and Sephiroth turned and headed for the basement. He thought one day. One day he'd just say no.

His father was where he always was, working in the basement with something that would probably never work. He was technically brilliant, talented with initial ideas, but had neither the money or the drive to carry through with his inventions or experiments. Continuous failure had made him bitter, and as if he'd known that he would always fail, early on he had tried to instill the same ambition into his first son.

But Sephiroth had never cared for it, despite the brilliance he too possessed, and in greater quantities than his father. He knew Hojo would always hate him for it.

"What do you want, boy."

"Dinner." Sephiroth said, looking at the walls. They were lined with failed experiments, old, broken trinkets, boxes, triggers, lone buttons hanging by wires. Sephiroth hated the basement, where he had spent years of his youth studying, building the dreams of his father that had eventually gone to rot.

"Dinner, is it?" he said, wiping his glasses with his thumb. He sat silently on the floor, with his new creation, looked around the room at the walls. He picked up a screwdriver, stilled, and then put it back on the ground. He was silent.

"I'll tell mother you haven't finished." Sephiroth said finally, turning the leave the room. Sephiroth wondered if he could ever be finished.

After dinner when he went to leave, his mother caught him out on the porch.

"Wait." She said, grabbing his hand. He stopped. He could smell her smoking before he even turned to see the stick in her mouth.

"I have to go." he said, lacking conviction.

"Go where?" she asked, standing close to him. "Where is it that you think you're going that I can't reach you?" she patted his chest. "My lovely boy, I know that at times I seem as if I require too much, but how much is too much for a mother?"

She flattened her lips out into a frown, and let the smoke come from her nose. With the smoke there, he could barely make out her eyebrows on her pale skin.

"I have to go." he said.

"It's only that I love you so much. You are..." he fought the urge to slap her hand away when she stuck the cigarette between her teeth and reached up to hold his face in both cold hands. It was odd, he had wanted her tender touch when he was younger, her attention, but now he wished to never see her. And yet he could never stay away long. She was the only women he knew he would ever love.

"...you are the best thing I have ever done. I remember when I carried you, and you used to _kick_, you always had that urgency about you, always trying to leave, get to the next place." She tightened her grip on his face."But there is no next place, son. Not for you. You'll always be right here," she patted her belly, "right here."

She smiled and turned away.

"Though you may have to share." she said and Sephiroth blinked.

"What?" she smiled with her teeth.

"You have another sibling coming, and you know...there's something about this one that...reminds me especially of you." She said, blowing out another stream of smoke, and holding the other hand to her belly.

Sephiroth thought to snatch the cigarette from his mother's mouth, but thought better of it. Did there need to be another child like him, like his brothers? Even Loz, who was uncharacteristically optimistic for what their family was, was growing more silent. Yazoo had never had much to say.

Sephiroth turned and left, took a long drag of air as he descended the steps. He could never seem to get enough air. But on the way home, he couldn't help but think of the flowergirl he'd left at the side of the road. He thought he might get his car, but he couldn't bring himself to sit inside it, to be confined for the time it would take to get there.

But on the unlikely chance she was still there, what was he to do? Call her a cab and walk home in the dark? Ridiculous. Seated in his car some minutes later, he considered it. Drove out onto the curvy interstate.

When he finally drove onto the shoulder, he took a long breath. He hadn't realized he'd been holding it. She was still there, and if he were a better man, he knew he might have felt more sorry for it. He got out of the car, put a trembling hand on the sleek roof.

"I guess they just forgot." she said softly, traffic throwing her hair into her face, yellow lights into her eyes. She was holding a bouquet of flowers. Sephiroth couldn't think anything but how dumb she must be, waiting outside her car for help nearing ten o clock at night. Or trusting that people were good and decent.

"Get in the car." he said, and he was a little shocked to find that she did, almost immediately. He could be a serial murderer. Or worse, a soldier who'd killed countless women and children without a thought. He shut his eyes. She would be so easy too. She was frail, young.

The space in the car was even less when she was in it, and unfairly, he resented her. He rolled down all the windows.

"I'll have to call for help in the morning." she paused. "My mother gave me that car." she said finally, and then, he didn't know why, she seemed older.

"You think she would have thought to give you something sturdier." he said, and she frowned.

"We didn't have a lot of money." she said, and Sephiroth knew she was also implying that he couldn't understand, driving a car like he did.

They went on for a while in silence.

"My name is Aeris." she said suddenly.

"I didn't ask." he said, and she seemed to deflate a bit.

"Well, I...wanted to tell you anyway. You seem different." she said out of her open window.

"How would you know?" He said, instead of telling her that it was obvious he was _different_, at least on the outside. His mother's family line had never been the subject of conversation. Had never been a _welcome_ subject of conversation. Because when he was young, he'd asked. But this girl sitting in his car, Aeris, he somehow knew she didn't mean his looks.

"Because I'm different too." she smiled, "I've been different all my life."

"Wonderful." he said, a bit unsettled.

"No," she said, turning to look at him, "it's...kind of lonely."

Sephiroth blinked, looked at her, but she was looking out of the window.

"I saw you in the grocery earlier." he said to extinguish the last thought. She nodded.

"I saw you too." she said, and then they did catch each other's eye. "That was my boyfriend, or... he used to be. But I never see him, he works all the time."

"He was Wutain." Sephiroth said, and Aeris stared at him.

"Does that matter?" she asked, and he knew he must've sounded judgmental, perhaps racist. He thought about Da Chao, all the sweat, blood. Wutain summers were the worst he had ever endured.

"No, it doesn't."

"I'm moving out." she said, voice thick. "And you know, I thought about it for a long time, but now that I'm actually-" she stopped, bit her lip. "I'll miss him." she said, gathering herself back together.

"Is there someone special at home waiting for you?" she asked, and he barely heard her. He thought, Masamune. He hadn't touched it all day, and now his fingers were itching. He had never made love, but imagined his sword in his hand must be what it felt like. The tearing of tendon, of skin, the slickness of sliding all the way through...he missed all those things. Wished he didn't. What kind of man must he be?

When he didn't answer, she looked back out of the window. He heard her stomach growl. From the corner of his eye he saw her cast him a self conscious look.

"Where do you live?" he asked, and after she told him, he drove on. It was only when he settled in the drive thru line that he realized he had been heading there.

"What do you want." he said quietly, not looking at her. But he felt her looking at him.

"I...you don't have to..."

"Obviously. Yet I am." He said, uncomfortable. He watched her look at the menu as if she had never seen one before. Surely there were places like these in the slums.

"Can I...I'd like a sandwich, and a milkshake, strawberry." she said, still as if he would take the offer back.

"And a water please." Sephiroth said, feeling as if he were choking now. He needed fresh air, he should never have taken the car, should never have stopped it, he needed to get out of the car.

After she got her food, he parked the car and went inside the place to vomit. He rinsed his mouth out with his water. Outside of his stall, someone turned on the hand drier, and the noise was so sudden it froze him, and for a few moments he couldn't move his legs.

When he went out to his car, she had already finished her sandwich, and was nearly finished with the milkshake. She smiled at him as he settled back into the driver's seat.

When they were back on their way, she started to nod, head bent forward into the shadow of his car. She muttered something, and he turned.

"What?" he asked, and she seemed to awake immediately. She opened her bag and took out a bottle of vitamins, took one.

"I'm sorry," she said. "If I said something, I didn't mean to." He thought it was odd, but didn't question.

When he stopped at her building, she didn't immediately get out. He killed the engine.

"I just wanted to say..." her eyelids fluttered as if she might seize, but she regained herself, curiously moved her hands to her ears. With her hands on her ears, she asked him if he would come to church with her. "Tomorrow?" she asked, and Sephiroth's first reaction was to laugh.

He did. She blinked.

"Have you even given it a chance?" He looked away.

"I don't believe in God." he dismissed. "Those who need him only need hope, power where they are powerless, a convenient framework to control, find rationalization. I need none of those." He didn't need anything.

"But have you given it a chance?" she asked, and he was surprised to find her question totally lacking judgment.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." he said roughly, and she put her hands in her lap, bowed her head. She raised her head, as if to implore again. But he had effectively shut her out, and she clearly didn't know how, knew now that his anger was never that far away.

They all eventually found it out.

She took her flowers and her rumpled fast food bag. He watched her step up onto the sidewalk, thought he might stay until she went inside, though whether she made it inside safely or not didn't particularly matter. She started to walk away, but stopped, turned and leaned down to his open window, hair falling forward over her shoulders.

Her hair smelled like the fumes of her broken down car, like the milkshake, like the inside of his expensive black car he hated being in. He waited for her to say something, was a bit uncomfortable with her face so close.

"But if you change your mind..." she started, looking into his eyes, "it's in sector five, the church. Bring someone if you want." she said, looking back to reach into her bouquet. She brought out a black carnation and gave it to him. "And I want you to take this." He took it and then she stepped back, turned to go to her apartment.

He drove off after she was inside. He thought she was a little presumptuous, but she seemed harmless, and for some reason terribly alone. He went home and stood in the middle of his blissfully wide, and empty apartment. He stood there for a while before he went through a few forms halfheartedly, mindlessly.

He found his sword and held it in his hand for while, felt curiously as if nothing had transpired in the whole 24 hours, that after war there was nothing. Nothing for him.

He listened to his messages, and there were some from his mother, and one from Loz. He listened that one a few times, realized that the second oldest had grown up so much in the time he'd been away, begun to realize the world beyond their home.

"Brother, I have to get out. Please." Sephiroth was shocked to find it spoken evenly, no tears. He was always the most emotional out of all of them. Sephiroth sometimes wondered where he'd gotten it from, since it certainly wasn't hereditary. He didn't understand him, had been a little jealous once.

And Yazoo, the youngest. He probably didn't care either way. Sephiroth couldn't remember five words he'd ever spoken. He was just as quiet when he was born, and they had thought him dead.

There was also a voicemail from Genesis, and he thought about deleting it before listening. The man had become a bit odd and frivolous after the war, and Sephiroth didn't look forward to spending time with him as much as he used to. But he listened to the message anyway, and deleted it after.

Before he went to bed, he took the carnation into his hand. He wondered why she would give him such a beaten, dismal funeral flower. He took no satisfaction in crushing it in his fist, but he did it anyway. Went to bed with the lights on and his sword at his side, like he did every night.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So, I'm really nervous to put this out, because this is AU (kind of), which is not something I've tried or been really open to before. And I know a lot of our love for these characters lies within the normal FF Universe. Or maybe I'll just speak for myself. However, I do feel as if places I might want to stretch out a bit I should hurry over, because this universe is unfamiliar, with the exceptions of the characters, who I hope to keep basically themselves. Anywho, this struck me some months ago, and I've been battling with just sitting down, and getting it out. Also, this was gonna be a loooong oneshot, but for all the plans I had for it, I thought it better to break it up. Still, chapterwise, I expect it to be short. Oh, and it's named four o clock after the 'four o clock' flower that typically opens at night. I hope you enjoyed it!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Sephiroth awoke in the early afternoon to fog sitting thick on the horizon. He brushed his teeth, took an indulgent hour to wash his hair. He looked in the mirror, curled his fingers around his jaw, chin. He thought to shave away what little roughness there was, even though he had no reason to, no reason to iron and crease his pants, shirt. But he did that anyway, just as he used to do with his uniform.

It didn't occur to him that he had made up his mind to go _anywhere_ until he was fastening his belt, smoothing his shirt in the mirror. He put up his hair, made sure Masamune was secure in his bedroom and headed out the door.

When he reached his mother's house, all was still quiet. He used his key, and stepped inside. Yazoo was sitting alone at the dinner table, eating two sad, brown sunny side ups. He looked over at Sephiroth and then turned back to his food.

"Mother needs to cut your hair." Sephiroth said, walking past the boy to the kitchen. Loz was in there, cleaning dishes. There was a kind of relief in his eyes when he turned, and he almost dropped a dish.

"Where's mother." Sephiroth asked, and Loz seemed to wilt, shrugged.

"Upstairs." he said. "Probably be there all day." Loz said, but Sephiroth knew it before he even said anything. He looked out of the window, went to the basement and walked down to the middle of the stairs. Hojo was sleeping hunched on one of his contraptions.

"I'm taking the boys out with me." Sephiroth said, and for a long, elastic while it could've been as if he was talking to air, to nobody. Then Hojo lifted one eye, waved him away. Sephiroth went back up, told both brothers to go find something presentable to put on.

When they came down in wrinkled, dirty clothes, he went upstairs with them to find something better. Made them wash their faces at least, iron out suitable shirts and pants. Yazoo, at eleven years old, seemed terribly put upon and stood quietly as Loz excitedly put on a jacket too small for him in the arms and back, clearly just happy to be getting out.

"Why are we dressing up, will there be girls where we're going?" Loz asked breathlessly, smiling openly.

"Fix your collar." Sephiroth answered, motioning for Yazoo to come over so he could put his hair up. The boy grabbed the band from him and stretched it until it snapped. It snapped right on his little white hand, but he kept his face completely straight.

"Fine, wear your hair down." Sephiroth said. What a willful child. But he was almost moved to smile, though he couldn't think why.

When he was satisfied with how they looked, they went on their way. Only halfway there did he tell them they were going to church.

"Church? You're kidding right? There won't be any pretty girls there."

"And you surmised this how?"

"Well, I don't know. But they probably won't be any fun." He said, and Sephiroth lifted an eyebrow. Fun. He wondered how fun and girls had ever entered the boy's head. With their mother having as tight a hold on them as she always had, and being as protective as she was, how had the boy ever put those two things together?

Women and fun. _He_ certainly hadn't learned about anything other than basic reproduction when he was young.

His father had never seemed to act as if he desired his mother, and Sephiroth hadn't had friends or television to show him any different. He hadn't thought about women as anything but men with rounded hips and wombs. He, a boy who was very rarely allowed to leave the house growing up, arrived to the war woefully ignorant of people, the delicate art of socially acceptable interaction, and sex. Perhaps times were changing.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because God _is _their fun." They were silent and then Yazoo cut in with his surprisingly full voice.

"I think it would be fun to be God." he said and Loz blinked, Sephiroth thought, maybe.

When they arrived at the church, it was already full. But what stopped them was the flowers, flowers everywhere. Sephiroth remembered the smell from the funerals he had attended, most especially Angeal's funeral, when Genesis had been silent the whole time, which could've been the strangest part. Death wasn't strange anymore, neither was it new, exciting.

He looked around for the girl-Aeris, as he waited awkwardly at the doors for the prayer to be finished. He wished he had known the start of the service so he could at least be punctual. It seemed though, that the speaker had a lot to be thankful for, the whole of the congregation to pray for, and always more reparations to make to his unnecessarily epic prayer.

Sephiroth found he was already annoyed, and thought he might turn around and take his brothers to eat.

"Why can't the people here pray for themselves?" Loz said in a low voice.

"Be quiet." Sephiroth said, though he thought the same.

Finally the church concluded their prayer and rose to their feet. Then he spotted her, on the left side in the middle. When he went to join her, he felt as if the whole congregation was watching. He wondered if it was his face they recognized, or simply because he was late. She seemed stunned for a moment as he walked up, and only moved to make room for them when they were right on her.

Clearly she was surprised he had come. He wondered now if she had actually wanted him to come, or if she had just been being polite, or had changed her mind. Perhaps she had read the paper this morning, seen his picture, what he had done.

_Commander turned General and director of largest Wutain prison camp, Sephiroth Hojo, comes home. _

"I'm glad you came." she breathed, clearly recovered. She smiled right at him, and he was so taken aback by the sincerity in it, he could only look at her. Only when she turned away was he just beginning to attempt to return it. Today, she didn't look so dirty as when he had picked her up at the side of the highway. He noticed her hands and fingernails were clean, which pleased him.

He thought that he liked her hair up like it was now, that she looked nice in clothes that weren't dingy. He noticed though, that her skirt was horribly wrinkled.

"And you brought your brother and sister?" she said, and Loz snorted, laughed. Yazoo glared.

"My brothers." Sephiroth said. Perhaps that would teach Yazoo to be so willful. Perhaps in a few years when he gained some definition and height the boy would be able to wear it loose without causing confusion. It was a lesson Sephiroth had also learned young, on days his mother would take him out to the store, or to the houses where she received her supply.

"Oh." Aeris covered her mouth, reddened. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Sephiroth said and in his peripheral Loz puffed up his chest and extended his hand.

"I'm Loz, and that's Yazoo." she took it and smiled, clearly still mortified.

"I'm Aeris, it's nice to meet you both. You're a beautiful family, you all have such pretty hair." she said, casting a glance to the offended youth and putting her hand back to her side.

"Yeah," Loz said, smiling brightly, "it's natural too." She blinked, and Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. He supposed Loz would never struggle socially, he seemed very at ease. Aeris laughed lightly at his adolescent bravado, picked up the two hymnals in their bench and gave one to the boys, asked Sephiroth if he would share with her.

He nodded, but took it since she was so much shorter. When the music started up though, he did not sing, held the book low in his hands so that she could. He read the words, glanced over to see Loz holding the hymnal open, looking around the church, Yazoo looking at the music, bored.

Sephiroth realised he could barely hear Aeris's voice above the organ music. She brushed her arm against his leaning to look at the second page and he thought to move to give her room, but realized she would just have to lean further. Her arm was warm to his, even through his shirt. He didn't mean to smell her hair, but he did when she bent over farther. It didn't smell like his car anymore.

He put his focus back on the hymn, but only heard the words in her voice. Something about spilled blood and forgiveness carried into an unexpected highnote she couldn't quite reach, but was still sweet for her trying. She didn't seem to mind her voice breaking in front of him, and he looked at her, imagined she should've had a more muscular voice, deep, with a lengthy range, just to match the vigor with which she sung.

Maybe it didn't matter, and she looked at him when took the book from his hands and put it on the seat and started clapping. He looked back, just as her bracelets mashed together and she put her hands together, again and again. He looked at his brother, and he was clapping too. And as if he had returned to normal time, he realized the music had become suddenly up tempo, that there were drums with the organ, and a _piano too_ though that seemed entirely unnecessary, loud.

But Loz liked it, and Yazoo seemed rapt, hands on the pew watching the proceedings now with interest. Sephiroth thought it was obnoxious, a little irreverent as people didn't just start dancing but, dancing out of their pews. Aeris clapped her hands on the rhythm, swayed from one foot to the other. He felt totally out of place.

The gospel choir had joined in too, and the drums...was it possible they had gotten louder? He thought of gunfire, of the screams. He felt the long yells from the pews in his bones, legs. He could barely move, felt a bit like he was suffocating. When he could move, he swept passed his brothers and moved quickly to the doors. When he was outside he took a long breath, did a thorough scan of his direct area, and took another breath.

"Is everything okay?" he heard a voice say, and he hadn't expected it, meant to reach for a sword that wasn't there. "Was it too much?" she asked.

"Go back inside, I'm fine." he said, not turning to look at her. He felt a hand on his arm and moved away from the touch.

"No you're not." he turned to look at her, and he noticed some hairs had fallen into her face during worship. Her face was a little flushed.

"How would you know." he said and she didn't reply. "Go back inside." he said softly. "I don't want to interrupt your service." he paused. "Besides, my brothers seem to enjoy it."

"I'm glad you brought them, I'm...glad you came." she said.

"You said that."

"Because...it's true. And," she wrung her hands, "I know you're not fine, at least not totally, because you're here. No one comes here, to this church, if they don't want fixing."

"Do _you_ need _fixing_?" he said sharply, feeling annoyed now.

"Yes." she said simply, which stunned him. "Every moment, but I haven't found how it's going to happen yet."

"Maybe you never will." he said, and in the look on her face, he felt he wanted to take it back, and also sadistically, that he wanted to say it again. It was stupid of her to think there would ever be a magical solution via _God_. Life, was just living with your burdens. Making what you could out of them.

"I worry about that." she said, rebounding. "But doesn't everyone? It's harder to have faith. Easier to give up." she said, challenging now.

He thought then, irrationally, that he didn't mind her so much. It seemed he couldn't sum her completely, or even make heads or tails. She didn't seem intent on saving him so much as sticking up for herself, but he knew she would try if he let her. She hadn't even thrown herself at him yet, as many women had before her. In fact, she didn't seem to be interested in him at all. He would have thought she was like him, and didn't care to be with anyone, if she hadn't mentioned her ex-boyfriend.

"Maybe." he said.

And maybe he was wrong about everything, but he just couldn't shake the feeling that she was terribly alone. Like him. Different, like him.

"You know me." he said suddenly, meaning so many things.

"Of course." she smiled. "I read the paper." she said, thankfully sparing any mention of the bloody war overseas. People started coming out of the church, and he looked out for his brothers. He and Aeris stood quietly and only Loz came out, talking to a young girl no less. When Sephiroth went over to them, the girl looked stricken. Loz looked at him, seemed keen on conveying something with his eyes that Sephiroth was not understanding.

"Brother, this is Maya." she attempted to smile, but still looked rather frightened. "Her parents said it's okay if I eat lunch with them." he smiled. "Can I, please?"

Sephiroth considered them both, and decided they were terrible little liars. He sighed, and wondered if he looked like he was an idiot. He decided though, that at least the girl looked harmless.

"Fine." he said. "But you are to meet me back here at 1900 hours. Understood?" Loz nodded.

"Understood." he said, grinning, going away with his trembling girlfriend.

Sephiroth turned to Aeris.

"Have you seen Yazoo?" he asked and she bit her lip, looked around.

"No, I was looking around for him but-" he didn't wait for her to finish and went back into the church. He moved quickly, wondered how he could've left him alone. He was sure his brothers could protect themselves, but there was still no excuse. He didn't realize how his heart was going until he stopped, saw Yazoo sitting in the pew he had left him in.

"It's time to go." he said calmly. The boy didn't say anything.

"Yazoo." he said. Still nothing. Sephiroth went and sat in the pew next to him.

"What is it boy?" he asked exasperated, and he cringed to hear his own father's voice in his. "Yazoo." he said softly. Then the boy mumbled something.

"What?" Sephiroth asked. He mumbled again.

"You need to speak clearly." he said.

"I want to stay here." Yazoo finally said. Sephiroth frowned, stared.

"You...what to _stay_?" What kind of child wanted to stay in church? Yazoo looked forward towards the altar. "They're happy here, didn't you see it?" he said, looking at Sephiroth now.

"I don't think any of them were really happy, Yazoo." The child was definitely old enough to feel the condescension. He got up, still wasn't as tall as Sephiroth sitting. He balled his fists.

"You wouldn't know that!" he said, actually yelled. Sephiroth was almost at a loss for words. "No one in our _family_ is happy." he said. "Except for Loz, but even he's sniffling all the time." he said, glaring.

Sephiroth didn't know what to say, wondered offhandedly if his brothers knew there would be another sibling soon. Could it be different, would that finally upset the balance. He heard Aeris's footsteps before he saw her, and the cadence was uncertain. Her face told him she felt as though she were intruding. And she was, but he didn't know what to say to the child.

"You know," she started softly, "This church will always be here." She looked at Sephiroth then back at Yazoo, "and you're always welcome." Yazoo looked at her, unballed his fists. Nodded.

"And if you don't want to go home just yet, I actually made food at my house. You're both welcome," she seemed more awkward than he had ever seen her, "but if you're busy-"

"We're not." Yazoo answered, and looked at Sephiroth. Sephiroth got up then, and took his little brother by the shoulder.

"Lead the way then." he said.

The walk to her house from the church was very short, and Sephiroth realized that it looked very different in the daytime. If he recalled right though, she shared the house with her ex-boyfriend, and was moving out soon.

After they had walked up a couple flights, she opened the door to her apartment. It was filled with sun, had a lot of boxes scattered about. It was neat, but full of plush things everywhere, pillows, a couch, a few beaten chairs. The whole left side of the apartment was painted a deep blue, but right around the middle, it stopped abruptly.

"Tseng will be gone for a few days working, so you won't get to meet him." Assuming that was her ex, Sephiroth doubted Tseng would want to meet him anyway.

Sephiroth could smell the food, and Yazoo walked into the kitchen without asking, inspected what was inside the stove, on top of it. It was just as well, he did all of the cooking at home. Sephiroth watched his brother and Aeris murmur inside the kitchen, heard her laugh as he turned his attention to a picture of her when she was small. She smiled, in a tiny paper robe.

"I was five." she said suddenly from behind him, though he didn't know when she had left the kitchen.

"You were in the hospital." he said.

"Yes, I was very sick, when I was younger." she said in a strange voice. He looked at picture of her at what he assumed was her birthday party.

"There I was turning...eight, I think." she said, came to stand at his side.

"I've never had a birthday." he said softly, forgetting she was there.

"What, I don't understand...everyone-"she started and he felt angry at himself for forgetting himself.

"Not everyone." he said, moving to the kitchen where Yazoo was.

Dinner was calm. By the time it was ready, the sun was a little lower, her apartment dark enough to turn on the lights. They ate in the livingroom, and turned on the television to a nature channel Yazoo wanted to watch. Kindly, she didn't linger on any of the news channels. Sephiroth wondered if it was on purpose.

Yazoo sat contentedly with his plate in his lap, and ignored them for the television.

"Thank you for having us." Sephiroth said, and Aeris smiled.

"I'm happy to have some company." she said, putting her spoon down. They sat in a companionable silence then, and watched television. A half an hour later, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her check her watch and then disappear into the kitchen. When she didn't come back for a while, he took the plates off of the coffee table, from Yazoo, who had fallen asleep, and went to the kitchen.

He stood in the doorway, watching her silently. He watched her open the same pill bottle from the other night and take two with a cup of water. When she noticed him, she jumped, put a hand over her heart. She turned and put the bottle back in the cabinet.

"I didn't even notice you there." she breathed, and he went forward put the dishes in the sink. He noticed on the counter, that she had a new box of sprinkles, a bowl of something that smelled overly sweet. He started washing the dishes. She tried to stop him, but she couldn't. She instead took up drying.

"Yazoo's sleeping." Aeris put her dry dish down and went to the living room to check, turned off the tv. "He must be comfortable here." Sephiroth said when she came back.

"I'm glad. I thought he'd never forgive me for confusing him for your sister."

"Well it seems he has." he said and Aeris dried the last dish.

"I can tell you care about them, your brothers." she said and Sephiroth dried his hands, said nothing. He watched her go retrieve a lone cupcake that had been cooling by the window.

"I'm curious as to why you're wall is only half painted." he said, leaning back against the counter. She stopped, as if she had something right on the tip of her tongue to say. She turned away from him and dug through a couple drawers, brought out a plastic triangle and nozzle.

"I had planned to have it finished a few weeks ago." he said, spooning out the frosting into the bag and fastening the nozzle onto the tip. "But then Tseng came home, and he didn't like it. So, I got rid of the paint." she said with her back still turned, but she turned her head and smiled. "I've been meaning to get some white to paint over that, but..." she stopped, "I've just never...liked white walls."

He watched her frost the cupcake carefully with light green twists of frosting, toss some sprinkles onto it.

"And blue is so much better. It's like the sky..." she shook her head, "but I guess it's a little inappropriate for the living room."

Sephiroth knew he would not personally paint any room in his own apartment that color, but it suited her. Irrationally, he wanted her to have her blue walls.

He watched her put a few more final touches on the cupcake, but only when she stuck a candle in the middle of it, did he realize. He felt angry she would follow up on something he clearly did not want to talk about. And then she lit it, and presented it to him in trembling hands, and he felt none of the anger.

"Happy birthday." she said, and he was certain it was unlikely today was his birthday, even if he had never known the date. His mother had never let any of them celebrate it, said it was indulgent, that there was no reason.

"Sephiroth," she said, and he realized it was the first time she had ever said his name, "you have to blow it out."

He felt ridiculous. Strange. Why had she bothered? He blew it out, and set it down on the counter.

"Did you wish for anything?" she asked and he frowned.

"I didn't know I was supposed to." he said flatly. She tilted her head to the side, and he noticed her hair was down. When had she done that? He looked at her, for maybe longer than was proper. She bit her lip.

"Aren't you at least going to take a bite?" she said, smiling. "Or are you on a diet?" she said teasing. He picked up the cupcake gingerly, and took a small bite then. And it _was_ good, but he was full enough.

"Happy?" He asked and she nodded, took it and took a bigger bite.

"Happy." she said, looking at her watch, widening her eyes.

"I didn't realize that much time had passed." You'll have to meet your brother at the church soon." she said, and Sephiroth realized he had let time get away from him.

She turned off the light in the kitchen, and he meant to follow her out, but decided on the last split second, to grab her back into her dark kitchen by her hand and kiss her squarely on the mouth. He pushed her back against the wall, right by the door.

He had never wanted to do anything like it, but he found now, even when he was kissing her and it was clearly a mistake, and overstepping, that he didn't want to stop. And surprisingly, her mouth moved on his, her hands were light and soft on his neck, his back, chest.

And it was all still very chaste, he hadn't wanted more until her mouth opened for his and he stilled, because he wasn't sure what to do, until instinctively he just just knew to lean into her soft, frail body and kiss her more deeply.

But then she pushed him away, looked at her feet.

"I'm sorry...I can't..." she said, and he immediately came back to himself, wondered what he was thinking to do something like that. "I shouldn't have...if I did anything to make you think..." she stumbled over her words.

He didn't know what to say.

"It's nothing you did." he said. "I should not have-" he struggled for words. "I forgot myself."

He had been doing a lot of that around her. He looked at the soft outline of her face. "Thank you for having us." he said, before sweeping from the room. He woke Yazoo and took an awkward exit from her apartment.

The boy though, was still intent on sleeping. Sephiroth lifted him up on his back, and proceeded towards the church, trying to put out of his mind what had happened. Or make sense of it. Fortunately Loz was already waiting at the church, grinning from ear to ear. Sephiroth didn't ask any questions, listened as his younger brother settled into step with him.

They reached the house without incident. It was just as quiet as it had been in the morning. Loz took Yazoo onto his back, and Sephiroth went to leave, but Loz stopped him. They stood on the dark porch, in silence for a while.

"What is it?" Sephiroth asked, and Loz looked at him, seemed as if he were trying to choose his words.

"I don't know...just...I used to think you didn't care what happened to us." Loz looked away, couldn't meet his eye. "You know, mother always compares us to you. But we're not you, and...maybe, you're the only one who acts like it." He scratched his head. "Just thanks, I guess. Today was good." Loz smiled a bit awkwardly and Sephiroth nodded.

"You're welcome." he gave him a pointed look. "And if you're wise, you won't mention a word of today to mother. Understood?" Loz snorted, and nodded.

"Understood."

"Good, now go to bed." Sephiroth said, turning to go home. Halfway there though, he decided he was tired and took the train the rest of the way. He closed his eyes, like he never did on public transportation, imagined wide spaces, like open skies, or blue walls.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n: a tiny bit of rough language in this.**

Sephiroth awoke a few mornings later to another call from Genesis. He opened his voicemail to find Genesis had charged him with avoidance, which wasn't wrong, but now he felt compelled to visit his friend. He had never been so insistent before-Genesis was fairly independent like him, attracted company easily, but didn't necessarily need it. But in the wake of war Genesis had become more dependent, a bit frivolous, eccentric.

Sephiroth took a shower, and rushed washing his hair because he wanted to get out of the small space. He thought about renovation, about how he used to enjoy washing his hair. He missed the automatic motion of it, like his katas, the slow way he had done it some mornings. But now standing under the jet, all he could think of were tiny little cells. Tiny cells, lined and stacked up in an underground bunker in the hills of Yiangin, Wutai.

He thought about the prisoners there. The broken, the dead and bloated, the obstinate terrors who screamed and spat, the ones lucid and steps away from death, calling for their mothers. All young smooth faced Wutain men. He might have been a prisoner too, for as much time as he spent in those tiny cells. But that was where he was meant to be. That was where he met Genesis, who also had a gift for cruelty, a heart that carried no space for sentiment.

He didn't think he would ever get the stench from his nose, the slick feel off of his hands. The gloves sometimes helped.

Sephiroth polished his sword and laid it down softly in his bed, pulled on his coat and headed out of the door. It took a little less than an hour for him to reach uptown Midgar, but the walk was a lot better than he assumed the car would be.

There were vendors in the street of uptown Midgar, pedaling beef sandwiches to leather bags, men in suits passing men with paper cups full of change, and in the nexus of uptown Midgar were the wide, expensive apartments, glass windows casting sunlight into his eyes, the silver air train headed on its hourly orbit around the city, in the sky.

Sephiroth hadn't chosen live in this part because there were too many people, too much noise. He was reminded of if every time he passed through. He got to Genesis' apartment building and started on his journey up.

When Genesis let him in, Sephiroth could smell Wutain takeout instantly, and wondered that his friend would have such a strange sense of humor.

"I thought it might be appropriate, given that the last time I saw you might as well have been the end of the war." he said, shutting the door. Sephiroth appreciated that the apartment was at least neat. And though it was more spacious than his, there seemed to more _things _in it to make it looker smaller. Collected art from a few cities abroad, local things, books abound from wine pairing to war. Sephiroth looked around for one book in particular and was not disappointed. Loveless was right there, right in the kitchen with Genesis.

"You _can_ sit down if you want." he said opening a few of the takeout boxes, making a plate for himself and for Sephiroth. When he sat down, Sephiroth decided to sit next to him.

"So." he said getting his chopsticks between his fingers, "What have you been up to?" Genesis asked. Sephiroth sighed, and Genesis smiled. "Still don't like small talk." he said and Sephiroth cast him a look.

"Well good. Because neither do I." He said, getting a dark look. They were silent for a while, and Sephiroth didn't touch his food.

"This world isn't the same, is it?" Genesis finally said, and as much as he had edged around talk of no consequence, the sound of Genesis' words were a little jarring. No it wasn't. How could it be? War was the great transformer of land and people. He had been just a boy when he had gone over. But he didn't want to talk about it, it might've been the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't know why, he knew his nature. He felt no remorse, but complete disconnection.

"Obviously." Sephiroth said, and Genesis raised an eyebrow.

"It's strange Sephiroth-" Genesis began, eyes going unfocussed, "I didn't care at all when it ended. It seemed natural, even though it could've gone on forever and that would've been natural too. But now-" He stopped, maybe for the suspense of it. He would.

"What?" Sephiroth heard himself say.

"I think about it all the time." He knew Genesis would normally never admit something like that to him, something that could be construed as weakness. That he had, made Sephiroth uncomfortable. Was he desperate? Or bored? "Do you?" Genesis asked, putting his chopsticks down.

A long silence stretched out. Genesis seemed to become a little self-conscious, which always was a strange look on him, as self-assured as he often was.

"Of course you don't." Genesis said quietly, and Sephiroth let his gaze wander to a bird flying by the window. Genesis sighed, and looked around at all the things that filled his apartment, a fine, expensive multitude of things.

"You know," he started, "This whole place and everything in it could go to cinders, and I don't think I would care." he said lightly.

"What about Loveless?" Sephiroth asked, happy to change the subject. Genesis scoffed.

"Don't ask such obvious questions." he paused. "Of course it would be with me." He smiled at the air, and then turned to face Sephiroth again. "I have to ask, even though I'm certain of the answer. Are you at least seeing anyone?"

"A specialist?" Sephiroth asked, narrowing his eyes. Genesis held an amused silence.

"No, a _girl_."

"Oh." Sephiroth said softly, feeling a bit foolish and relieved. The lack of a definite answer seemed to interest Genesis, and the man raised an eyebrow, looked into his eyes.

"Gaia, there _is_ a girl?"

"No." Sephiroth said quickly, though maybe too quickly. There was the briefest flash behind his eyes of Aeris in her church clothes. A feeling against his mouth that was a shadow of the texture of the kiss he had forced on her in her own kitchen.

And after she had been so kind. Part of him though, was angry. He wondered if she had been knowingly teasing him, the kind who found pleasure in inspiring fantasy and then killing it, with a quick and unexpected hand.

He didn't know why he cared. He didn't want her. Women far more beautiful, more intelligent had thrown themselves at him. But he hadn't wanted them either. Genesis was looking at him.

"What's her name." he asked, and Sephiroth knew that he wouldn't be able to lie, and that Genesis would never drop it.

"Her name is Aeris. And I am not seeing her." he said and Genesis' eyes took on a slow light.

"Just fucking her?" He said lightly, smiling, as if commenting on the weather. Sephiroth stilled. He didn't even know where an assumption like that would come from. He had said he wasn't seeing her, which naturally included everything else. He frowned, thought Genesis was being needlessly crass, even though Sephiroth was actually quite used to it. It was only that he felt a strange indignance, and disbelief that anyone could or had ever been with Aeris in that way. She seemed too pure, good. The thought of it-

The thought of it was as illicit as the wetness of her mouth that one time in the kitchen.

"No. I'm not." he said flatly, thinking he had had enough of his friend to last another half a year.

"Would you like to be?" Genesis responded, and Sephiroth realized that he was actually _trying to help. _Sephiroth wanted him to stop talking, to insist that he wasn't so socially crippled as he used to be, which he knew Genesis was unlikely to believe. And if he really wanted to, he was certain he could have any woman he wanted. It bothered him only as a matter of pride that he wasn't certain he could have Aeris specifically. Again, it didn't really matter. Sex with her had never even crossed his mind until now, and all he wanted now was to get it out of his head.

"I don't want to talk about this." He said, making no room for argument. He got up and went to put his coat back on, realizing he had never taken it off. Genesis got up and showed him to the door.

"Hm, spoilsport. Well," he said, standing in the door as Sephiroth moved to stand the hallway, "I'm having a party tonight, Black Chrysanthemum, come. And bring your girl."

Genesis smile was like a wolf's when he closed the door. Sephiroth breathed out and headed towards to stairwell.

He sat at home for a few hours looking at the walls. He thought about nothing and everything, about going over to the girl's house, perhaps apologizing properly, asking her to come, going alone or not going at all. He supposed Genesis would pester him if he didn't, but he abhorred being in crowds, in dark loud places, people moving about with faces he could barely see. He had gone out once, after the war. After Angeal had died, and Genesis had quietly drunk himself into a stupor, didn't say anything the whole night and then disappeared into the crowd. Sephiroth had looked around, had felt like there was a train sitting on his chest that whole night, though he hadn't been able to explain it then.

He had holed himself up in a bathroom stall, a tiny, rank place with a broken toilet. And he just stood in there, stared at the walls. Angeal had been a good friend. And Sephiroth didn't know if he had ever done anything to say he had appreciated it. He didn't know what to do with grief. He was well versed in anger, in reservation. He didn't know what to do with grief.

With a start, he suddenly realized why the day was significant, why today of all days Genesis had been so insistent, acted so strange.

He put his coat on and headed out the door, the city a blur around him as he moved quickly towards her house.

He knew it the moment he entered the slums. There was no more glimmer, no fine suits but children on corners playing with skinny, dingy faced friends. There were broken, dirty toys and hair curlers in the gutters, shrill screams spilling out of half opened windows that he could make sense of and some that he couldn't. There was food cooking somewhere, women lurking even in the late daylight shadows.

When he reached her house, he stopped, stood for a while before her door. He could've laughed for how the anticipation suddenly hit him, as if he were a boy. Though he did think about what her face might look like when (if) she opened the door, if she might smile at him like she did during the church service, or step back horrified, stunned like she had when he kissed her.

He rang the buzzer for her floor and apartment, and waited. Nothing. He tried again and still nothing. He looked around at the flowers around the tenement, the pinks and yellows nodding softly against the dull grey of the building, of the sky and ground around it. Sephiroth had never spent much time in the slums, but imagined this flowering was not something that happened often.

He bent down and snapped one tiny flower out of ground and pushed it hurriedly in his pocket, unsure of why he had done it, making sure there was no one around to see it. But then he felt a pressure on his neck, as if someone were looking at him. He looked up to the windows, and saw that there was someone there, watching him. It was too far to make out specifics, but he was certain he knew the face. He stared as the shadowed face looked down on him, still.

Sephiroth thought about waiting for the figure to retreat from the window, then realized he didn't particularly care enough to stand there that long. Not without another glance a few paces away, he left and set off to the grocery store.

He meant to pick up a package of bread, perhaps some bottled water, but as soon as he stepped inside he realized his pretense. He instead went over to the flower counter, past the freezer full of tulips and roses to where Aeris stood with a long piece of a stem on her hand. She didn't seem to notice him until he was right on her, close enough for the tissue paper on the counter to brush against his arm.

Genesis had always hated how quietly he moved. She stopped, stared with wide eyes and then seemed to regain herself. But she didn't say anything, even though it seemed she was trying to. She only opened and closed her mouth and reddened. She clearly hadn't forgotten their last moment together.

"I..." Sephiroth said, realizing then that he hadn't actually been ready to say anything either and he closed his mouth, stared passed her head to where there were freezers full of carnations. He looked at her and she looked back then, and he thought perhaps he really _was _unequivocally and eternally a social cripple, and this was why he did not even try. It never seemed worth the humiliation. With a strange desperation he took the small crushed flower out of his pocket and pushed it down onto the counter.

"I wanted to apologize." He said finally, watching her look down on the sad, dead little flower.

"Oh." she said, still looking at it as if she had no idea what was happening. But then she smiled. "You don't have to."

Gaia, he didn't realize until then that maybe he had been waiting for that. That smile. Hoping she would give it to him.

"You really should've thought to put it into some water." she said, laughing now. He frowned thinking she was making fun, but realizing she didn't mean anything by it. He attempted to laugh, but all there was was a grunt of air.

"Yes." He said. "Then it wouldn't be dead now." he said seriously, and he thought it would make her laugh more, but it made her stop. She blinked and looked away. There was an awkward silence.

"Did you go by my house?" she asked, and Sephiroth looked at her.

"Yes." he said.

"Because that is one of flowers I grow around the building," she clipped the stem of a white rose. "Do you like them?"

"They seem odd." he said, and he realized it was the wrong thing to say. He tried to amend it. "But they're...nice." he said clumsily. She smiled again.

"Yes," she said, lying flat a square of green tissue paper, "They make me feel...nice." she said, glancing up at him. Past her green eyes, he realized her shirt was unbuttoned just to the swell of her breast. He looked at his hands.

"Good." he said, feeling as if the whole thing was hopeless.

"Sephiroth?" she asked, and he looked back up.

"I," he started, "I wondered if you would be free tonight," he stopped, "to come with me to a party." He sighed. "There will likely be food and...music. If you like."

It seemed like an eternity that she stared at him. He counted to ten in his head, recalled a few advanced summon theories, felt like he might need to hold some fire in his hands later to decompress. A man with dark wild hair passed them, glanced at them with curious violet eyes. Sephiroth looked back at Aeris.

"Okay." she said. And Sephiroth stilled. "I'd...like that."

He realized then that he had fully expected her to say no. He didn't know if he was happy that she hadn't.

"Good." he said, because he didn't know what else to say. She held a bouquet against her chest.

"What time should I..." she bit her lip.

"I suppose ten." he said, thinking of Genesis. "It's not formal, I'm sure you'll be fine in what you're wearing now." he said and she laughed.

"Jeans and an apron? I can do better than that I think." she said.

"I can pick you up." he said, though he didn't know why he would volunteer to do such a thing as much as he hated being inside his car.

"Really?" she said, breathing out. "That would be great, my car is still on the fritz."

"Then how did you get here?"

"Train, my feet." she said, smiling. "Wasn't so bad." she paused. "Hey, are you hungry?"

"Not particularly." he said.

"Oh." she put her flowers down on the counter. "Because I get off in five, and there's a Cait's a block away." she crossed her arms uncertainly over herself. "I'll pay, since you were so nice last time."

"I should go home." he said, feeling a bit crowded.

"Oh." she said. "Well, I'll see you tonight then." she said, cheeks pink. He nodded, and went to walk towards the doors. Before the automatic doors swept open for him, he realized he regretted his decision. He_ was_ hungry, and there was nothing really urgent he needed to do at home. There never was.

He didn't know why he had said no, only that he didn't think he had anything more to say to her, that she knew as much about him as he wanted her to, and he did not think he would make her dinner any more pleasant, with the things he was prone to saying around her, things he didn't realize were as ornery or as terse as they were until they came out of his mouth.

She was so sweet, so pure, and he felt certain that he could ruin her if he wanted, turn her inside out and strip every bit of good away from her. He didn't know how to do anything else, had thought not of her body but what her screams would sound like in his spacious apartment, if she would beg, or _pray_. Oh, he wanted to hear _that_, and he would make her pray to _him_. In the camps during the war, he had felt like a God, a God and a monster.

But those impulses of his passed quickly, left him feeling nothing. It was the nothingness that was frustrating. He stayed around the general area and stood in a shadow across the street from Cait's, he watched her go in ten minutes later, get a milkshake and a sandwich. He watched the way her arms wrapped around herself when she waited in line, the way she kept her head down when she ate, set her crumpled apron on the table. It was strange because when she was around him, she seemed so bright, so social. But now she was alone, and she looked like it.

He felt ashamed for how he had thought of her just moments before, and wondered what hope he had, when someone like her could be alone.

When back in his apartment he found a pair of nice slacks, and a dress shirt he had never worn that cost an exorbitant amount of money. He had tried to throw his money around, to find pleasure in it like Genesis had, but he felt nothing. He didn't understand it, considered giving a bit of his fortune to his father for better resources for his experiments. But then he remembered that he hated him, and resolved to give him nothing.

He brushed his hair and cleaned his fingernails, stood for a while in the doorway of his bedroom. He wondered not for the first time what it be like to take someone to his bed. But soon after, not for the first time, he lost interest. He locked his apartment, and headed down to his car. And this time when he got in he barely noticed the pressure of the space pushing against him.

Because there was that pressure on his chest again, and it wouldn't let up. He drove with the radio low, slid easily against the curve of the walk by her house. Had hadn't even had the chance to turn off his lights before Aeris came rushing towards his car, hair flying back, heels snapping against the ground. She nearly threw herself into his car, and he looked at her, noticed her hands were shaking.

"I'm okay." She said without prompting, because he hadn't asked. Her voice wavered, "I'm just…." She rubbed her head, covered her ears with her hands, "…my head." She said, looking on the verge of tears. She dumped her whole purse into her lap, started picking through the knick knacks and things in her lap frantically.

"Aeris." She looked at him, her eyes her wide, wild around the edges.

"We have to get out of here Sephiroth." She said, just as the door was opening. She seemed so urgent, Sephiroth pulled away from the curb without another word, glanced in his rearview mirror to see a shadowy figure standing on the walk, watching.


	4. Chapter 4

They were driving for forty minutes before she seemed to calm down. They drove on as if she hadn't thrown herself into his car, as if she hadn't been on the verge of tears only moments before.

"Who was he?" Sephiroth said finally, as they sat at a red light. Aeris looked at her lap, red light cast on her hair.

" No-one." She said softly, and Sephiroth frowned.

"You were running from him." He said, and he knew it was true. She too knew he knew it, and did not try to tell him otherwise. But she didn't say anything else, just folded her hands in her lap. Her bag lay on the floor near her feet, she had turned it inside out and still apparently hadn't found what she'd been desperately looking for.

"I'm sorry." She said after a while. "I don't mean to be like this, you've been so kind to invite me." She sighed. "There are just so many things happening all at once, and I…"

"You don't have to explain yourself. It isn't my business, I shouldn't have pried." He said, feeling the awkwardness balloon within the small space of the car. They drove like that the rest of the way there, and Sephiroth was so conscious of it, he didn't think to turn the radio back up.

They found a parking spot in a multilevel garage and Sephiroth got out and opened her door for her, feeling a kind of satisfaction by the surprised look on her face. She blushed and took his hand, and she was so light just the pulling of his arm lifted her quickly from her seat. He wondered if it was nerves making him more forceful than he needed to be.

But why should he be nervous? He had suffered through war, made choices that affected thousands of lives. And yet he found that her hand was so soft against his he felt an unsettling turning within his chest, and her fingers were surprisingly nimble too, slender as they fell accidentally between his own. He had forgotten his gloves in his apartment. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have felt this.

He had never felt a woman's hand like this in his own, perhaps his mother's, but that was different.

She took her hand away and he shut the door, led them both out to the streets. The Black Chrysanthemum was only ten minutes from the garage, a dark looming building with an open flower sitting at the top, steel petals just dark outlines in the night.

He had been out once but hadn't really enjoyed it, too many people, too loud music. He could hear the baseline of whatever popular song was playing all the way from the curb now, and imagined how much louder it must actually be inside. Why did Genesis like these places? But then as Sephiroth looked around, he imagined the women were reason enough. Most if not all were clearly from upper Midgar. They were dressed well, sparkled with expensive trinkets around necks, wrists, and fingers. All were young and pretty, shapely or streamlined, flat-tummied and leggy. An army of beautiful women. No doubt many of them knew Genesis too.

Beside him, Aeris watched too. Wrapped her arms around herself.

"Everyone is so beautiful." She said, lights of bars signs and streetlights in her eye.

"Yes." He said, and he felt badly that he hadn't thought of it, that Aeris might feel out of place, that in the slums people had barely enough for groceries let alone fine trinkets. Sephiroth wanted to tell her he felt out of place too, but didn't know if that would help. It didn't really mean anything to him, because he always felt out of place.

They walked across the street and Sephiroth was aware of the attention he was drawing, felt uncomfortable that Aeris would have to endure it too, just for being with him.

They went to the back of the line and Aeris blew into her hands, held her jacket tight against her.

"It's a lot colder than I thought it'd be." She said, looking up at him and smiling. He nodded, grateful that she was clearly keen on moving past their awkward moment. He wished he'd worn a jacket, so that he could give it to her. He had always acclimated well to colder temperatures, he even preferred them. He supposed it made sense. His mother said that he'd been born in a snowy northern town called Nibelhelm, but he had never been there, and they had moved away while he was too young to remember it.

Aeris stepped in closer to him, settled lightly against his side. He blinked, taken aback by her boldness.

"Is this okay?" She asked, looking up with her deep green eyes. He felt an irrational impulse to tell her she was beautiful too, in her inexpensive jacket, shoes and dress. He tried to force some of the tension out of his body, and he put his arm stiffly at the back of her , hand in the small of her back so that she could come in further. He could see the quick breath she took as a cloud in the air, and he tried to calm his own breathing so that she wouldn't see it.

"Yes." He said, looking away from her now, so aware that her head was right under his nose. He wondered what her hair smelled like tonight.

"I've never been out like this." She said after a while of silence.

"You're not missing much." He said, and she smiled.

"It always looked like fun to me." She said, and Sephiroth looked at her.

"But you've never gone yourself?" he asked, and Aeris bit her lip.

"I've just never...you can't go places like this alone." She looked away, rubbed her temples, "when I was younger, I was in the hospital a lot, and making friends was... " She looked at the steel flower on top of the building. "And now, to make friends in the slums, it's just impossible," she said with a frustrated look, "because no one trusts anyone in the slums."

Sephiroth looked at her. He hadn't made any friends well into adulthood, until the second year of the war. Angeal had come first, seen that he was alone no doubt, and tried to remedy it. But for all his strength and wit, he had not been very subtle about it. During the meal times Angeal had brought food from the mess tent to their communal sleeping tents where Sephiroth spent most of his time reading books on strategy, some on things that didn't matter, and were simply recreational.

His father hadn't let him read recreationally, only for learning's sake, biology and arithmetic books, composition manuals on standard continental, on air craft design, materia equipment, weapon drafting, etcetera. The only thing that had been interesting was the chapter on weaponry feudal Wutai. Sephiroth had seen his first katana in a text book at age seven, and had kept it as his own private obsession for years after. He didn't-couldn't tell any one about it, because it was the first thing that was unequivocally his.

He slept with the book under his pillow, would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, just to open it to the page. Often times he dreamt about killing his father, being able to rise one early morning and extract the blade from the pages, carry it down to where his father never left and sever tendon from bone in a redemptive blood show. He imagined what his father's head would look like rolling across the dusty basement floor, as his mother called to him from upstairs. He thought then that perhaps he could run away with his mother, but shortly before he was drafted and after Yazoo had just turned four, he started to wonder if his love for her was not misplaced too.

Sephiroth thought of Angeal again, who had said once that he couldn't be cynical forever, go around keeping people at arm's length. His mother had told him the opposite, had instilled in him that he was extraordinary, and that people would only want him for the power he would afford them. _My son, no one will love you like I do. No one._

She was wrong, because all ever Angeal had been was a friend, and even before he was a returning General. Why would she tell him things like that if they weren't true?

"Sephiroth?" He blinked on the girl, and her head was upturned towards his. She had a worried look, and her eyes fluttered, like she might faint. Her lips were like blood rose petals, parted under of cloud of cold breath.

"I understand." he said softly, "How hard it can be."

There had been plenty of acquaintances, women and men who had done things for him to curry favor. But Angeal and Genesis had been different. They had all understood each other, been bonded by war, though he knew there were times it was hard to be his friend. He didn't naturally gravitate towards people, and felt most secure in his own company. He often needed space from them, but sometimes he felt his loneliness so acutely, knew that in some way, he'd always be standing from the outside looking in.

Even if they tried to include him, it was obvious he was different, was not a part of their duo, the stories of countrysides and girlfriends, and mothers that wrote to the front, wrote words of love and sorrow. His mother had only stared at him when he packed up to leave for the army, eyes bright and slitted like a cat's. She had cried and stormed about the house, raged and disowned him and told him was ungrateful, traitorous, told him he was too brilliant for it, and when that didn't work, told him he was nothing. Nothing without her.

And it could've been true. He had always been so attached to her, had feared her and wanted her comfort when he was angry, or distraught as he grew older, and realized that things were happening in the outer world beyond his house. His mother wanted him to be strong and independent though, and so she never did indulge him, reprimanded him harshly for being weak, would sometimes lock him in his room for weeks as punishment, and then later come around with wild green eyes, saying that it was for his own good, that she was his mother and loved him more than anyone, that he would know it when he was older.

He couldn't sulk, could not be angry, or she would cry, become hurt and he would feel guilty. And sometimes she would disappear for weeks, without a word. And he would spend long hours on theory and mechanics in the basement with his father. Those long stretches of no sleep, of forced indulgence of his father's obsession were the times he hated the most. If he made mistakes they were not accepted well, and Katsumoto Hojo would look at him, mock him in his jealousy, because they'd both known Sephiroth was gifted, already surpassing his father in large strides.

When he was fourteen, he'd found a book of matches, thought about razing the whole basement, maybe the house.

Sephiroth looked at Aeris, who was looking at him. It had been so long since he had thought of any of it.

"I've never made friends easily." he said then, uncertain if it was something he should admit. He could've smiled when Aeris didn't look surprised at all. She opened her mouth and then shut it, as if she meant to say something but thought better of it. She looked at her shoes.

"It's..." she bit her lip, "it's lonely sometimes, isn't it?" she said, looking at him again. And he could tell that she was being honest, so much so that it was jarring, and her face, so surprising in its range of expression, was open to him. He felt as if the breath had been drawn from him, and he looked away from her.

"I prefer to be alone." he said reflexively, and her expression changed, withdrew. He hadn't meant to be so terse, and yet he found he disliked it when she looked at him like that, with her guts and heart out, presuming to know him.

Coming to, looking passed her downturned face to the streets around them, he noticed the line was moving, the crowd was muttering, talking louder now, all together. Genesis was the source of all the commotion, and Sephiroth recognized the familiar sweeping gait before he even saw his face. The man came to stand in front of them, rows of gazing eyes in his wake. Both women and men.

Genesis had certainly embraced his fame.

"Its like an inferno in there." he said, color high in his cheeks. Standing outside only in his shirt too, and a drink in his hand. The bar lights made his hair look redder than it was, gave him a bit of a halo. Sephiroth pressed his lips together, and looked at his friend, asking without words what the point was of him coming out.

Genesis smiled and innocuous smile, and took another long, deep, drink. Aeris seemed to feel the silence between them more acutely, because he felt her fidget. It was just as well, Genesis had years of experience to know that most conversations with him were mostly like that, and was now unfased.

"What is it?" Sephiroth asked, saw the subtle flicker of Genesis' eye to Aeris, who had at some point moved closer into him.

"Nothing," Genesis said, "just that its absolutely ridiculous that you are here waiting on line. I-" he stopped, turned to the two women in front of them on line. "do either of you have a light?" he patted his hip, "and perhaps a cigarette too, actually." He frowned. Both women came up with both almost instantly, lipsticked and smiling. He took a cigarette from one, and let the other one light him up. He closed his eyes and took a long drag, blew the smoke out away from them.

Genesis smiled and Sephiroth frowned. Genesis looked down at Aeris.

"You're such a tiny little thing, you must be freezing." he said, and his affectation was perfect, almost especially tailored to be gentle and complimentary. Aeris smiled at him, and Sephiroth stared, wondered how it could not be obvious that Genesis had teeth behind that smile, an eternal agenda. Sephiroth had seen the man talk his way out of death in foreign tongues, evade punishments with charm, he was, the best actor Sephiroth had ever known.

And now, his only living friend. Sephiroth laughed, and Aeris jumped, Genesis gave him long look, took another drag, turned his face to the side to blow out.

"You must be Aeris." Genesis said turning back, and Sephiroth glared from behind her. She blinked, apparently shocked that he would know. As if it wasn't awkward enough, now she was meant to believe Sephiroth had been talking about her.

"Yes." and she extended her hand, clearly just to shake his, but Genesis maneuvered his drink and cigarette into one hand and took her hand to his mouth and kissed it. Sephiroth looked at him.

"Genesis, wonderful to meet you." he took a drag and then a drink, "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get you two inside." he laughed. "Honestly Sephiroth, you should have just told them you were with me, or walked right in. You're General Sephiroth for gaia's sake, I swear-" he stopped when one of the two ladies in front of them tapped him on the shoulder.

"Mr. Rhapsodos?"

"Yes?" he said and Sephiroth watched with interest, he knew Genesis didn't like being touched by people he didn't know. He remembered it because he himself hardly liked being touched by people at all.

"Can we come in too? We've been out here in the cold for almost an hour." her friend smiled, looked into his eyes. Genesis stilled. Looked at them.

"It's no wonder. You couldn't clothe a small child between the two of you." he took a long drag in the resulting silence, without taking his eyes away from them, eyes entirely cold. He considered them, long enough for it to be uncomfortable. Genesis smiled.

"Of course you can. You both are just too beautiful for me to say no to. Go ahead and walk right in," he waved them away, "but walk slowly, so I can watch." he smiled as they went, and then turned back around to face Aeris and Sephiroth with a look of disgust.

"Horrid little sycophants." he breathed, "did you see that, how presumptuous-" he threw the cigarette down and stamped it out, "let's go, I feel like I need more to drink." He started back in and Sephiroth and Aeris followed him.

"How horrible it must be to have everyone looking to please you." Sephiroth said sardonically, and Genesis shrugged as the entered the place.

"Sephiroth, it's exhausting, you'd know if only you embraced it."

"Perhaps that's why I choose not to."

When they finally stood inside, just outside of one of the main rooms Genesis turned back to them.

"I suppose I'll leave to your own devices for a while. Warm up, have something to drink," he looked at Sephiroth with a humorous expression, "get out on the floor if it strikes you." He looked at Aeris, "Don't let Sephiroth say no to you on that front, there's not a single decent swordsman who can't dance. And if you need anything just find me, but I'm sure Sephiroth will give you all that you need, perhaps even more than that." he smiled, and Sephiroth could've strangled him.

Aeris wasn't so ignorant the she didn't understand what he was doing. She reddened. Sephiroth was totally unamused.

"Alright, Genesis." Sephiroth said with an undertone of warning. He was terribly lucky they were in a public place. Genesis nodded, and quickly disappeared into the crowd.

Sephiroth let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, and Aeris turned to face him, color still in her face.

"He's..." she stopped, unable to find the words. Sephiroth sighed.

"Yes. I meant to warn you." She laughed, started unbuttoning her jacket, he followed her fingers with his eyes. Watched as it came to hang open, showing only a smooth swath of skin from her neck to lower than he expected, uninterrupted. He looked back at her face to find she had been noting the path of his eyes. Caught, he offered to take her jacket and she turned and let him slide it off her shoulders and arms.

They went to coat check, and he paid the fee without a thought, was more interested in what she was wearing. He had never seen her so meticulously put together, and it pleased him. She had on black, which shocked him for some reason, as did the lower cut of the dress.

He knew now that her shoulders were lightly freckled, that her arms were slim and pale, and that she had tiny, breakable little ankles even in her low heeled shoes. He wanted to hold one in his hand, though he couldn't fathom why.

"I'm so excited." she said breathlessly, looking around, coming close to him. "Thankyou for inviting me."

"Thanyou for accepting." he said, and they looked at eachother. She closed her eyes tightly, as if the loud music was out in the hall. When she opened them again, they were unfocused. She blinked and bit her lip.

"Are you alright?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Just loud thoughts." she could've been five years older when she looked at him then. "But tonight, I'm not going to think at all, not about anything." she looked around. "It's only right now."

"Only right now." he said. Thinking he had never done that, unless Masmune was in his hand. He felt in her something surprising, saw in her eyes the world ending.

"Yes, right now and nothing else." she said, and he nodded, led them both to the dark, pulsing core of the party.


	5. Chapter 5

They came to stand wordlessly by the bar where there was already a crowd, beckoning to the bartenders with sweaty hands and rolled gil. He could feel the collective breath of the crowd, acrid with the smell of liquor, sodas, and kisses traded on the dance floor. It figured Genesis would choose a place like this, where no one had a qualm about doing anything right out in the open, women and men falling over eachother, against eachother, to the walls and floors. Had they stepped into a night that was too far progressed passed the last sanity of a Saturday night? Sephiroth felt like he was choking, that his head was expanding with too much noise.

He had never liked crowds, the closeness of strange people, or noise like this that was high, keening, and pervasive. He felt it all as if it was fused in his skin, and he fought the urge to tear at his hair. He felt the uneasiness he sometimes felt while shut up alone in his car, tenfold. He put a hand to his head and closed his eyes, nearly surprised when he did not find his General's cap. He took a breath, and tried not to make a show of himself. He was fine.

But if one more person accidentally pulled his hair, _they_ were not going to be.

Maybe he was paranoid. He took another breath and looked at Aeris. She smiled at him and turned to the crowd with a determined look. She held up her hand, and it took him a few moments to realize she wanted him to take it. He did, though he didn't understand why until she was bending and winding them both through the crowd, closer to the bar. Her hand was like an anchor, and he focused on its soft texture, distracted himself from the mayhem around him. His lip curled as he slid against a number of strange bodies on her path, but apart from his disgust was surprise.

He was actually rather impressed with the ease with which maneuvered them through the crowd. He supposed part of it had to do with how small she was, but there was something else. The way she would look at the people, the way she'd smile, and somehow get further in. But there was one gentleman who wasn't having any of it, and just as she was about to go by, purposefully shoved his shoulder in her way. Sephiroth let go of her hand and moved forward quickly, spun the man around by that same shoulder.

"I'm sure you can see that she is trying to get by." he said, surprised by the roughness of his own voice. "Move aside." The music was nearly loud enough to drown him out completely, but he was sure the man had heard him. The man looked at him, and Sephiroth didn't know if he was alarmed or pleased at how quickly that look of recognition came. Was this what fame was? Fear in the eyes of men who didn't know him apart from newspapers or television? The man closed his mouth, stared. Sephiroth looked back at him, watched as he moved out of their path. He looked back at Aeris.

"You didn't have to-" she started, looking at her feet.

"I know I didn't." he said, feeling a little foolish for the display himself. She took his hand again, led them all the way to the bar. He suddenly wished he had not invited her. This environment was not conducive to a pleasant time with him, as everything about it put him into a bad mood. He looked at all the people that were now behind them.

"I thought you said you had never been out like this." he said, watching as she put her hands on the bar. Her fingernails were painted a chipped pink. Why would she bother painting them if she worked so often with her hands? It irked him a little, the chipped nailpolish. He pulled his ponytail over one shoulder so that it would stopped being pulled.

"I haven't."

"You are very good at getting through crowds." he said, and she laughed.

"It helps being small." She looked at him. "You should see the slums around the holidays. I've had some practice." Sephiroth looked at her.

"And they don't bother you? The crowds?" he asked and she stilled.

"No." She gave him a searching look, "I don't know, I guess I've always been surrounded by crowds, or...noise. So I'm more used to that than anything. I think it's worse being surrounded by nothing." she shrugged. "I don't think I'd even know what to do." He nodded, though he could not relate.

"What do you want?" he asked, and she turned to look at the menagerie of brightly colored mixers and liquors on the wall behind the bar. She turned back to him.

"I don't know." she said, blushing. "I don't really drink." She bit her lip, "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to."

"I don't understand." he said, and he had the distinct feeling she wasn't telling him something.

"You know, nevermind." she shook her head. "I want...whatever you get." Sephiroth laughed.

"What?" she asked, "You don't think I could handle it?" she said smiling.

"You yourself said that you rarely drink."

"And you drink often?" she asked.

"No." he said. And it was true, he didn't. He had his first drink when he made Lieutenant, and then after that, he could count the number on one hand. "I just rather have use of my full faculties." She nodded.

"I understand." she said.

"What do you understand?" he asked.

"You like being in control." she said, and he frowned.

"Of course I do. You don't?" She was a curious little thing. She leaned herself against the bar, and considered it, eyelashes casting dark shadows on her cheeks.

"It's not that I don't. It's just, I've given it up." Her face was serious, a strange look on her bright, doll-like face. She closed her eyes for a few beats. "I've tried-things can get so out of control-but, trying to control things, at least for me, just causes more trouble. It's doesn't even seem real, because it's like you're putting a stopper over all these things that might naturally happen, and then it always happens so that putting the stopper on it, only makes the release of it so much more- more-"

"Chaotic." he finished for her. She looked into his eyes.

"Right. You can't control life, no-one can." She frowned. "I don't think we can even control ourselves, because there are parts of ourselves we don't even know, other spirits within our own bodies."

Sephiroth looked at her, and she laughed, blushed.

"I'm sorry, that was a strange thing to say." she bit her lip, looked away from him.

"Not entirely." He gave it some thought, took her hand in his and put a reasonable amount of gil in it. "You order then. For the both of us." he said, and she looked at him as though she might refuse, and down at the gil too with incredulity. "An exercise in relinquishing control."

"Sephiroth, this has to be- too much." she breathed. It was possible, but then the club was fairly high end.

"Give whatever's left to the bartender." he said easily, and she looked back at the bar, strobes filtering through her hair. She turned back with an uncertain look on her face.

"Go ahead." he said, watching as she turned to wave at the bartender. He realized only then what the look on her face had meant. Handing her the money, he hadn't thought about her being from the slums. Only now did he think that giving her money like that was a little insensitive, if not incredibly tacky. Sephiroth put his hands self consciously in his pockets, wondered when he started carrying around that kind of money and not thinking about it. The spoils of war had distanced him in more ways than he had realized. He tried to put it out of his mind, thought of Angeal, and then of Genesis.

The man had to be around somewhere. Turning back to see how Aeris was faring, he spied the open skin of her back, the clumsy halter bow at the slender base of her neck. He took some time to revel in the curve from waist to backside, the musculature of her legs. She had good, strong legs. She turned with two drinks in her hands just as he was taking his eyes away.

"I think you made the bartender's night." she smiled, and handed him his drink. A dark tonic in a tall, deep glass. Not too much ice. He looked over to the bar where there was a young, longhaired girl with large breasts pouring gin into a glass. He looked back at Aeris.

"What did you get?"

"I don't know," she looked up at him, "I just asked her to make it interesting, I told her-" she stopped, blushed, "I told her to make something for only right now, like we talked about? Like...something good enough for if the world was ending tonight."

"Is that what you want?" Sephiroth asked.

"No." she shook her head. "But I wish I could live as if it was." Sephiroth thought about the world ending, about his mother and brothers. He supposed he would want them with him. But not his father. Aeris raised her glass then, and Sephiroth raised his. They both took a drink.

"It's-"

"Strong." he finished, raising an eyebrow. She smiled.

"I'll be fine."

"Really, are you even old enough to be drinking?" He took another drink, thought that maybe his faculties could do with a dulling down. Then maybe he would not be so aware of the noise, the closeness of strange bodies, the heaviness of the air, the knife edge he felt like he walked, just in normal conversation with Aeris. But mostly, perhaps to just forget how much he loathed places like these, and all the laws and fineries of social interaction that had eluded him for years. Fortunately, she laughed and he felt a curious relief at it.

"I don't know. What do you think?" she said, tilting her head to the side with a playful smile. There was a brief terror that struck him in the case that she really might be much younger than he thought.

"I think," he looked into her eyes, "that you didn't actually answer the question." he said, and she laughed, a sound he was getting rather accustomed to.

"I guess I'm caught." she said, taking another drink but saying nothing else. He sighed.

"What is this called." he said, motioning to the drink. It was good, sweet, but not terribly, and mixed well enough that he could barely taste the actual liquor. But he could tell that it was definitely there, and in larger quantities than he was sure Aeris was used to.

"Meteor." she said, shrugging when he gave her a look. "I know, doesn't bode well does it?"

"Not for you." he said, wondering if later he was going to have to carry her back to his car.

"There you two are." They both turned to see Genesis, who had another sort of drink in his hand. He was flanked by a leggy blonde woman Sephiroth was fairly well acquainted with. She represented one of the bigger arms dealers on the continent, and had provided most if not all the weapons for the war. She represented a new era of open chemical and drug warfare, one of the many reasons people had protested their occupation of Wutai.

She shook his hand firmly, and Aeris's not as firmly. Sephiroth glanced at Genesis, who was looking on a bit smugly. He wondered if the satisfaction was due to the apparent connection he had to the money of the company, but that couldn't be it. Genesis had been born with money, didn't understand the world without it. He'd only signed up for the war because Angeal had, and as an act of rebellion against his parents.

Sephiroth had joined because he couldn't bear his father's obsession, or his mother's sickness. He left because he had to, because in his dreams he knew he was supposed to be something more remarkable than what he had been then, on the promises of his mother, and on the darkness he was certain he'd been born with. War came easier to him than anything ever had, felt better than anything he'd ever done. The killing he had to do was something he had enjoyed at first, revelled in even. But towards the end, nothing could top the high of the first years of it, towards the end all he could feel was nothing.

And then sometimes an astounding guilt for what he had done-what he was. Now that he was sated, had emptied himself of the rage he felt at his father, his mother, his inherent separation from natural things, what was he to do? He knew it was in his blood, the void. His brothers had it too, even as they were just children.

And now, if the war had saved his sanity then, it was killing him now, for he felt like he never left it, that there were triggers for memories of it every where he went now that all he wanted to do was escape it. Escape himself.

"Hey, I've got to go to the little girl's room. Come with?" Scarlett extended her hand. Aeris looked at Sephiroth and then at the hand, took it reluctantly.

"Okay." Aeris said and Sephiroth moved to grab her back close to him, but thought that might be inappropriate on the off chance she really did need to go to the restroom. Still, he felt as if he should've made some excuse for her, did not feel totally comfortable leaving her alone with that woman.

"Good, meet you at the table?" Genesis asked, and Scarlett nodded, dragged Aeris off into the crowd. Once they had disappeared Genesis turned to him.

"Oh, don't look so sour Sephiroth, she'll be fine."

"With Scarlett." he said, still watching the path the two had taken to the bathroom.

"What? You act as if she might devour her."

"It's not unheard of. Is that who you're with tonight?" Sephiroth asked with a critical tone.

"I don't know, depends on what I'm in the mood for-I might go for something new." he shrugged, took a drink and looked out over the crowd.

"You've already-"

"Yes and yes Sephiroth. You could too, if you wanted."

"I'd rather get lobotomized. I would have to, to endure that horrible laugh." Sephiroth said and Genesis smiled.

"I know, it's almost tragic. But let me tell you, she's as limber as a bagnaranda." he said and Sephiroth laughed despite himself.

"And is that your only prerequisite for who you take to your bed?"

"I'm not that shallow Sephiroth, there _are _a few other requirements."

"Well, I stand corrected." They started moving towards the table. The crowd was thickening around them as they moved across the dance floor, and Sephiroth at one point felt a hand touch him on the back, but he looked back and there was nothing.

"But speaking of that-" Genesis started, "you and the girl, how is that going?" Sephiroth sighed.

"Fine."

"Why so tight-lipped?"

"I don't have anything to say about the matter, Genesis." Genesis turned and looked at him.

"Interesting." They settled down at a table that was upstairs above the dance floor, in a roped off section. The music was was still loud enough for him to hear every synthy nuance of whatever dance song was playing, loud enough for him to still feel the baseline in the cushion of the chair when he sat down. Sephiroth set his drink on the table.

"What's interesting." he said, knowing he was meant to ask. An orange strobe turned to shine into Genesis' eyes.

"You like her." Sephiroth didn't say anything. He supposed yes, he did. He could tolerate her company, that much was obvious. He _had_ invited her out.

"And?"

"Well, that is sort of unusual."

"How-"

"Sephiroth, your misanthropic tendencies are a secret to no one, especially those who have known you for a minute or longer." Genesis smiled. "And you've gone and made it complicated now, as you are clearly a bit attached, and the kind of girl she is-"

"And what kind of girl is that?" Sephiroth said, narrowing his eyes.

"Not the kind you fuck, Sephiroth." Genesis said dryly. "She's quite lovely, but so _good,_ Gaia I can practically smell it on her. And her eyes are so wide, her heart so open to you-its all very sweet." Genesis said, looking away and lighting a cigarette. "You're going to have to spend some time on that one." Genesis took a drink. "And kudos if you have the patience, innocence like that never lasts too long around me." He smiled a private smile.

Sephiroth thought about it, and wondered if he was so different. He knew that even if it wasn't the kind of corruption Genesis often dealt in, he was also equipped to ruin her completely. He thought about that more than bedding her. He wondered too, about so many of the things she did not say. He felt as if Angeal would have been good at understanding those subtextual things.

She and Scarlett returned to the table, and Sephiroth gave her a once over, just for his own peace of mind. Aeris sat next to him, and gave him a look he could not decipher.

"I thought you would never return." Genesis said, once Scarlett was seated.

"What, you missed me?" She said, picking up her own drink.

"Not even a little." Genesis said, lowering one of his hands underneath the table, likely to her thigh. Sephiroth looked around, tried to think of an excuse that would get them both out of the situation. He looked at Aeris and realized her lips were reddened, colored lightly now with lipstick. She had some on her teeth, and he very much wanted to take a napkin and wipe it off.

"It's good to see you Sephiroth." Scarlett said, picking up her purse.

"You as well." he said less believably. "What brings you here?" he asked, just as she was bringing out a small gold case. She looked at him.

"Well, I thought I'd take a break. Ever since this merger has been finalized, I've absolutely had my hands full."

"Merger?" Sephiroth asked. He watched as she flattened out a rolling paper with the tips of her fingers, working around the length of her nails. He looked at Aeris who was also watching. She tapped some sort of green powder out of the gold case and into the rolling paper.

"Sephiroth, it's all over the news-"

"I don't watch the news." He said, noticing Genesis' eyebrow shoot up.

"Well, you already know that Deusericus Arms works in conjunction with the Continental Army."

"Right." And he did, he and Genesis were the foremost Generals of the Continental Army, and had primary experience with the gradual monopoly of Deusericus Arms, knew that they were stretching their influence past Western continental borders, to the northern countries, southern and eastern nations, proof in the war in Wutai. He knew of the head of Deusericus Arms, Lazard Deusericus, but had never met him. Scarlett held the position directly under him.

"Well, because we outsource a lot of our chemical and drug work to ShinRa Pharmaceutical, the next natural step is to merge." She rolled it tightly, licked the ends. "We will be unstoppable." she said breathlessly.

"ShinRa Pharmaceutical?" Aeris said softly, and they all looked at her. Scarlett stopped.

"You know of them then?" she laughed. "I mean, how could you not?"

"Aren't their drugs supposed to help people?" she asked and Genesis gave Sephiroth a look.

"Oh no, don't give me that. They're all over the news with that _helping shit_, forgetting that its the business end that keeps this place alive." she smiled.

"Don't talk to her like that." Sephiroth said, feeling Aeris' eyes move to him. Scarlett held up her hands, looked at Aeris.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it any way, but it is a bit naive to think they would limit themselves to unprofitable dabblings in mental health."

"I wouldn't call them dabblings Scar, and I certainly wouldn't call it unprofitable." Genesis intervened. "They have an incredible research department-" Sephiroth felt Aeris stiffen, "and are the foremost authority on mental health on the continent. They write the books, you know." Scarlett scoffed.

"I bet they are. But the only reason the industry stays afloat here is because of this city. A lot of potential business."

"Why do you say that?" Aeris asked, frowning.

"Because," Scarlett lit up, "everyone's mad here. Didn't you know?" she and Genesis laughed. She took a long inhale, let the smoke come through her nostrils, like a dragon. She passed it to Genesis.

"I know _I_ am." he said. "In fact, ShinRa's the one that issued my referral for state required psychological analysis."

"What?" Sephiroth asked, watching his friend take a long drag.

"It's required, because of the war?" Genesis took a drink. "Honestly, Sephiroth take advantage of it," his face became serious, "The war doesn't leave you just because you've left the land. It'll follow you." He held the joint out to Sephiroth. "Don't pretend like you don't know it."

"No." Sephiroth said to the offering, and Aeris shook her head too. Genesis passed it back to Scarlett. He was sure Genesis knew how he felt about drugs.

And hard drugs too-he frowned, they were doing the pure, expensive kind. Ground fine like the sugar they imported from Mideel. Makaine, distilled from the same essence that was in materia. There were more diluted street versions, to the more potent versions that were now becoming popular in Wutai's northern region.

ShinRa's hand in that should've been a company secret, but everyone knew.

"Oh, fine." Genesis took a drink. "You know there's a boy I met at the shrink's, he should be around here somewhere." He sat back in his chair, shoulders relaxed and sagging. "Kid was just a cadet, but they expedited the process, you know, for the last year of the war, when he just needed more bodies on our side." Genesis' gaze was fast turning sleepy. "Really fucked him up in the head, which is a shame. He is the prettiest thing. Could even give you a run for your money, Sephiroth." he smiled, and Sephiroth sighed, feeling his own limbs relaxing of their own accord. The haze now around the table softened the edges of both Genesis and Scarlett's faces. "He's got the most incredible head of blonde hair." Genesis said, and Sephiroth watched Aeris down the rest of her drink out of the corner of his eye. She bit her lip, and clenched her eyes closed. Sephiroth stilled.

Scarlett tsked.

"You _do_ tend to prefer blondes, don't you?"

"To my own ruin."

Aeris put her hands up to her head, and Genesis looked over.

"Too much to drink?"

"No," she took her hands down, clearly with some effort. "No, I'm okay." Sephiroth knew it was a lie, he reached for her hand under the table, brushed her thigh accidentally.

"I apologize." he said softly, but she smiled at him and opened her hand for him to take.

"It's okay." she said opening her eyes, the green in them darkened by the eclipse of her pupil.

He stood up and pulled her to her feet. He turned to Genesis. "We're going to go now." he said, his tongue feeling very heavy, Genesis smiled lazily, the blue of his eye darkened too. Scarlett was slumped back, head lolling back, face obscured by her hair.

"Coming back?" he asked and Sephiroth looked at him.

"Not likely." he said, moving away from the table with Aeris. Sephiroth steered them to a fairly empty corner. Aeris leaned back against the wall with her eyes closed.

"Something is wrong." he said, but she was moving her mouth, talking, but not to him. He wondered if he was just imagining it. He did feel a little out of his wits, but then he hadn't had a drink in so long, it was no wonder. But if he felt the way he did, Aeris must've felt it tenfold.

"Are you going to be sick?" he asked, watching her throat as she swallowed.

"No." she said, opening her eyes again. They were brilliantly green, like an untouched field in DaChao he had once wandered into during the war. He had never seen the sun shine like it had on that day, never seen grass so green, so lush. "Sephiroth?" she called his name, but she sounded miles away. He blinked his eyes.

"Yes." he said, looking back down at her, her smile, which if he could, he would cut out and keep just for himself. She still had lipstick on her teeth.

"Are you alright?" she asked, putting a hand on his chest. He looked down at the hand and then at her. Did not tell her to move it.

"Of course I am. Are you?" he asked and she looked at him, for what seemed like an eternity.

"Yes," she breathed, "I feel wonderful, I feel-"

"You're drunk." he said, she laughed.

"I think so." she nodded. "But not in a bad way." she stopped, looked at him. 'You're eyes-they're so pretty."

"Thank you." he said softly, looked around them. "They're my mother's."

"She must be beautiful." she said, he felt his chest tighten.

"She used to be." he said, looking over passed the railing, down to the dance floor. He turned back to her. "I want to apologize for my friends." he said and Aeris shook her head.

"Don't, they were interesting." she bit her lip, "Intimidating. I didn't know what to say."

"I never know what to say." he said, and she laughed, then frowned.

"Your friend, Genesis, he seems...sad." Sephiroth stilled, shocked by her revelation. He could see it too, but he had known the man for years. It was the only reason he had even showed up, because he'd known how Genesis would be tonight. He looked at Aeris.

"This party-" he felt a coldness coming over him, "it's for-" he stopped, shook his head. "Two years ago today, a very dear friend of ours was taken by the war." Sephiroth thought of Angeal, wondered what he would think of Genesis' antics tonight.

"I'm sorry." she breathed. "I'm really sorry." she said, and Sephiroth thought it was strange how he had heard it a million times, but only now did the apology for it sound genuine.

"It's alright. We are born to die." he said, and Aeris stared at him.

"I don't think the dead really ever die." she said, and he nodded, knew that she believed it too, was not just saying it. They were silent, and Aeris coughed.

"You know, Scarlett, she asked me-" she looked down, "she wanted to know if we were together, she kept asking about you."

"She has never known how to mind her business." he said, glad for the change of subject, looking at Aeris' curious face.

"Were you guys...was she your-"

"No." he said, nipping the thought in the bud. "She is...not my type."

"You have a type?" Aeris asked, and he wished he had not used that wording.

"No. And yet I know what it _isn't." _

"You could have anyone." she said, turning to look over the railing. "Don't you see how they look at you?" Sephiroth had noticed.

"I don't understand it." he said and Aeris looked back at him.

"You don't?" he shook his head, and she looked into his eyes. He did feel rather drunk, that any clarity he had now was slowly leaving him. He thought about the fields again, about his mother in her youth, about the silken touch of Aeris's thigh against the back of his hand.

"I don't want anyone."

"What do you want?" she asked, though he barely heard it, and he could tell she was heading back into her stupor. Her eyes were suddenly heavily lidded, as if a Sleep spell had been cast. She closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the wall.

"I want-" there were a million things, none that he could articulate, many that he wasn't even conscious of, he looked at her red mouth-"you to take that lipstick off." he finally said, though he hadn't meant to say it.

She laughed without opening her eyes.

"Scarlett offered it to me, I didn't want to be rude. But it does feel funny. Does it look bad?"

"It doesn't suit you." he said, when he really just wanted to say that she looked prettier without it, with nothing on. She didn't seem to take offense. He felt her hand against his arm, pulling him. She moved away from the wall nearly in slow motion, stood against him on her toes. He could hear her breathing louder than the music, her heartbeat louder than his own.

"What are you doing?" he asked, voice rough.

"I need help, getting it off." she said, blushing. For once, he did understand the subtext. But how could she want that when she had refused him before? Was he taking advantage, if he kissed her now, while they were not fully in their minds? He decided that he didn't care and kissed her anyway, her open, red mouth. He grabbed her closer by her middle, pulled her flush against him. And it was a good fit, almost perfect as she brought her hands up into his hair, which he didn't mind. Thoughtlessly, he picked her up so that he wouldn't have to crane his neck, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, feet dangling.

Moments like these made him wonder why he did not let himself do these things. Moments like these made him fight himself, the darkness in him that emerged at any sign of pleasure. He hoped she wouldn't stop him again, but she didn't seem like she would, as she let him kiss her more deeply, more fiercely than even that time before.

He let her down, and she exhaled.

"Your lips are all red." she said, laughing. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Dance with me." she asked, and he cursed Genesis, but agreed anyway.

"Fine." he said. "Wait here." he said, wanting to go to the restroom to straighten himself out. "I'll be back in a minute."

Once in the bathroom, he took a look at himself in the mirror, the flush of his face, the red still on his lips. Frowning, he reached for a paper towel and wiped the rest of it off. Turning on the faucet, he put his head down and splashed his face. When he came up, there was a younger man standing behind him, looking at him through the mirror. Sephiroth gave him a glance but then went to ignoring him, loosened his hair from the ponytail.

The boy didn't stop looking at him.

"Is there something you need?" Sephiroth said, looking at the boy through the mirror, letting his hair fall loose into his face. The boy, apparently taciturn, said nothing. Sephiroth felt no threat, but did not appreciate being stared at, wondered if this was a opponent of the war, or worse, a fan.

He didn't even know how that had happened. He didn't want to be famous for the things he had done, let alone have a fanclub for it. The boy just looked at him, with two gloomy blue eyes. They themselves were startlingly bright, but held so much darkness. Sephiroth knew the look for seeing it so many times in the mirror.

"Stay away from her." The boy finally said, voice deeper than it looked like it would be. He had a very unusual head of blonde hair. Sephiroth stilled, thought of Genesis.

"Who are you?" he said, finally turning around. The boy gave a strange half smile.

"I don't know, I'm working on that." Sephiroth was bemused.

"I would leave, if I were you." he said, and the boy looked at him.

"I'm not afraid of you, not anymore."

"You should be." Sephiroth said, feeling his hand itching for Masamune.

"You'll break her, you'll kill her, even if you don't mean to." the boy said, and Sephiroth stepped back.

"_What?"_

"Don't pretend like you don't know it." The boy looked at him one last time, and then simply walked out of the bathroom. Sephiroth watched him go, stood there for a while after. He felt like he'd imagined it.

When he went out to where he'd left her, he didn't see her. He looked through the crowd, down over the banister. He finally spotted her near the bar, back turned to him. He went over to her.

"Aeris." When she turned around, he could she she had been crying. He was silent.

"Do you mind if...if we leave?" she asked, and he did not mind at all, would rather do that than anything else. But something was clearly wrong. He frowned, and took her by the hand.

"Alright." They moved through the crowd, quickly. The music echoed out behind them, the lights brightening the path before them. Sephiroth felt his boots sticking to the ground as he walked.

"Can you drive?" she said, once they were out in the lobby. He shook his head, tried to get a hold of some clarity.

"Yes, I'm fine."

When they went outside and walked the distance to his car, he could see that she was still upset. The cold was so complete it was nearly jarring. Sephiroth could feel the heat leaving his body, but relished it after having spent so long in the hellfire of the Black Chrysanthymum.

He fished his keys out of his pocket and opened the car. Once they were seated inside he did not start the car. He looked forward, through the windshield.

"There are many things I don't understand, but the things I do, I understand thoroughly." she didn't say anything, but he knew she was listening. "I am intimately acquainted with darkness, I see it and meet its challenges everyday of my life." he looked at his hands. "I recognize those who know it too, almost as if we were kin. And, it is all around you, though I do not know why."

He noticed that the stars were nearly visible. "I say this so that you know, that even if the specifics elude me, I see you clearly Aeris. I'm not an idiot, and have no use for make believe." He started the engine. "Whether or not you tell me anything, is your choice."

"Everything about tonight was real." she said, turning to looked at him. "Everything. And I want to say-that I've never felt alone in my body-or in my mind. All the time, I feel filled up with different feelings, different souls, I've tried to find a harmony. But I know what it is to be at war too-inside." she bit her lip. "And so I know what it means to recognize someone like yourself, because I feel like...like, you're like that too. Like there's someone else, other souls in you, looking for precedence-I know it sounds crazy, but I think that's why I'm drawn to you, and why I'm...I'm afraid of you." she looked out of her window. "That was why I stopped you, before."

Sephiroth looked at her, turned away and put on his seatbelt.

"You should be afraid." he said, thinking of the boy in the restroom. She smiled.

"What kind of thing is that to say to a girl?" she said pulling face. He laughed softly.

"I try to be honest."

"Can I be honest then?" she asked and Sephiroth nodded. He waited a while before she said anything.

"I don't want to go home." she blushed. "I don't think I can-and the reasoning is kind of...complicated."

"Hm." He said, thinking about the man who had been chasing her. Complicated. He turned off towards the route to his apartment. He had never invited anyone back to his apartment, and hadn't planned on starting tonight. In fact, after tonight, he really needed the space to decompress and restore himself. However, the prospect of Aeris spending the night did not totally put him off.

"Ask what you mean to ask." he said, glancing from the road to her face.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" she asked, so nicely too. He sighed.

"Yes, you can." he said, and she thanked him, turned to look out of her window. He kept his eye on the road, and took what felt like the first breath he'd taken all night.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Long chapter! I hope that you enjoyed it, you all have been so encouraging in your reviews and I really appreciate it. Also, I'd like to give some credit to Lewis Carroll, whose line about madness I totally stole. And the The Chemical Brothers "Don't Think" rave track, which gave me the juice to write this. I hope you all have an amazing new year.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**The rating for this story has gone up to M. This chapter contains sexually explicit content.**

As they climbed the stairs to his apartment, Sephiroth wondered if he had not made a mistake. He felt very tired, a heavy fatigue pulling at his eyes. He wanted to shut himself up in bedroom, and sleep late into the morning. He wanted to be alone more than ever as he watched her take each step closer to his place, despite having agreed to let her stay. He felt anxious even, as she moved with soft footsteps, an almost imperceptible sway. He wasn't prepared to be a host, could not imagine what he would have to say to her in the silence of his apartment.

Perhaps he should have been thankful for the noise of the Black Chrysanthemum. Perhaps she would want to go straight to sleep.

"Is this you?" she asked, as they slowed to a point halfway down the hall. He brought out his keys, coughed.

"Yes." He steadied his hand, noticed that she was watching him closely. He wondered for a moment, if there was something else she wanted of him. But when he looked into her eyes, there was too much there to distinguish anything. She was so expressive it made him curious, as he was so much of the opposite. Every time he looked at her, he felt as if he was looking at many things, many women and not just one. She smiled, her bag hanging from the crook of her arm.

"It's so…." She said, walking slowly passed him into his apartment, "…nice." She said, with a strange intonation, and he shut the door behind them, frowned. He supposed it was. He was in the process of looking for a better house for his mother and his brothers. Hopefully just as nice. If he could get his father to agree, it could be an actuality.

Walking past her to his kitchen, he caught a shadow of uncertainty on her face. It reminded him distinctly of when she had first seen the line of glamorous women outside the club.

"It has the basic necessities." He said, pouring himself a glass of water, and thinking that he would get her one too. He took a glass out, and watched her turn around in the middle of his living room. He supposed the awe on her face should've pleased him, but it didn't.

"Can I use the bathroom?" she asked, and he nodded from the kitchenette, watched her walk towards the general direction, purse in hand. He went out to make sure she had the right way, and was pleased to see she had found it just fine.

He turned his back just in time to hear the door close, and he took a long breath in, but could not seem to still his nerves. He put his hands in his hair, and found that it was mucked up, tangled. He didn't suppose he'd be getting a shower with her in his apartment for the night, so he settled for a quick run through with a brush. He found a wide tooth in his room and ran it though his hair.

He twisted his hair up into a knot to get it out of his face, and splashed his face with cold water in the kitchen. Drying his face, he realized she was still in the bathroom. As he neared the door, he was certain he heard her talking.

"Is everything alright?" he asked through the door. The chatter stopped.

"Yes." She answered quickly, and he heard the faucet turn on. He went to go busy himself, getting sheets and a blanket. As he returned to the living room he heard the door open. Aeris emerged, hair still wild, but face cleaned. He was grateful she had taken her shoes off before walking back onto his carpet. He didn't generally like calling cleaners. It wasn't as if he was averse to spending the money, it was just that he didn't not like having people he didn't know in his apartment. He looked over at Aeris and sighed. Perhaps he was still a little tipsy. This never would have happened under normal circumstances.

She went over and set her shoes by his near the door. As she padded over to him on her tiny feet, he realized suddenly, that she must trust him. She let herself be alone with him, in his apartment. He admired the gentle curve of her neck, and thought that he could really do anything to her, and she'd be powerless to stop him. The thought made him feel heady, disgusted.

He frowned, and took another drink of water. What was _wrong_ with him? He thought of Genesis' words about seeing a counselor, felt himself become angry. He thought about the young blonde boy who had spoken to him in the bathroom. _You'll break her, you'll kill her, even if you don't mean to._

When had violence become ecstasy?

"Why didn't you tell me how horrible I looked?" she laughed. "I feel like I just washed five layers off of my face." She said, and he smiled.

"Probably more." He said, offering her a glass of water. "And you didn't look horrible." She didn't even now, though her hair had become wild with the humidity, and her eye makeup still clung clumsily to spots under her eyes. She was beautiful in a totally empirical way, with her blush and her eyes and rose mouth, her impeccable symmetry. The only thing she could stand to gain was a bit of weight, muscle maybe.

She gave him a look that told him she didn't believe him. She took the glass and nearly drunk the whole thing down. Dehydrated. He wasn't surprised at all. That drink had been a wicked concoction, and had taken a lot out of even him. But then, crowds generally did take a lot out of him too. Genesis, ever the extrovert, fed on the current of the crowd like some ravenous social animal.

"Thank you." She said, breathing out, and he went to go get her some more.

"Now that you've gone out," he said as he poured, "Is that something you would want to do again?" She looked at him. "You can sit down." He said and she sat on the couch, leaving her bag on the floor.

"I don't know. Maybe." She laughed. "Probably not." She finally said, a bit sheepishly. "I'm glad I did though. I'm glad…you asked me to come. I haven't had this much fun in so long." She said, face falling.

"Fun." He said, returning with two glasses of water. He stood above her awkwardly, reluctant to sit as close as he would have to on his small couch. She crossed her legs and took the glass, seeming to sense his discomfort and moved to the far end of the couch. He sat down.

"You didn't have fun?" she asked, and he set his glass down after taking a drink, quickly got out a couple of coasters from underneath the coffee table. She watched him with a curious eye.

"I don't-" he started, but not sure on what he really wanted to say, "I'd rather-" he began again, _spend time alone, do anything else. _ "I'd rather my own company." He said, and he resented the look of pity on her face, but was interested to see she didn't take it personally at all.

"I understand." She nodded, "I have a room at home just for…." She bowed her head and clenched her eyes closed in pain. For longer than was called for he watched and didn't do anything. He sat up, unaware that he had let himself relax.

"Aeris-"

"I'm…okay…" she said, clenching her hands in her hair.

"Aeris-" he said, again prepared to get up now.

"No, it's fine." She said starting to breathe regularly again. He waited a few moments, and frowned when she finally looked up at him, pain only halfway gone from her eyes.

"What-"

"Migraines." She said quickly, looking away from him. "I usually take medicine for it, but-I've run out."

He looked at her, thought of her rifling through her bag in his car hours before. He was certain she couldn't be telling the whole truth.

"Migraines."

"Yes, they're awful. But manageable." She said, though she looked suddenly afraid. He frowned and turned away.

"I have aspirin if you'd like." He said and she shook her head. He wasn't surprised. The offer had been empty anyway, as he didn't quite believe her.

"It's okay, I'm fine now."

"Do you need to go back to your apartment for it?" he asked, "For your medicine." She shook her head, and he felt his nerves again in the silence that followed. She turned to him suddenly, folding her knees up on the couch.

"It wouldn't work." She said sullenly, and he thought it was startling how quickly she would switch gears. "He knows about you, and he thinks-"

"I don't understand."

"Tseng. My ex-boyfriend. The man who was chasing me." The air changed, and he looked closely at her face. "I know you saw it. You must've." She bit her lip. "He's so angry with me. But I'm trying to be different, and he'll only ever see me as this….helpless thing….and I'm _not." _ She wrung her hands. "I'm-I'm the ruler of my own body, my own _mind_, but he'll never see it that way."

He still didn't understand, and he looked on with a furrowed brow. He looked at her little white hands twisting in her lap. "He hates that I try to handle things on my own." She shook her head. "And he wants me to come back. All of my medicine was gone from our apartment when I came home tonight. And….I don't know how much longer I'll be able to manage without it."

For all her words on self-sufficiency, she did seem rather helpless in the moment. She seemed terrified.

"You will have to get another prescription." He said, knowing full well that she would not be as afraid if it was as simple as that. She shook her head.

"The drug is…highly experimental." She said quietly. "And it makes me feel better, but I don't feel like myself, maybe it's better I'm off." She rationalized. She smiled at him again. "Is that crazy to do? Do you think I'm crazy?"

"I wouldn't be one to judge." He said wryly, looking to the white of his walls. He remembered something. "Why were you in the hospital when you were younger?"

Her eyes went wide.

"I told you that?" she asked, going white.

"Yes. You don't remember?" he asked and she looked down at her hands. The low yellow light of his apartment gilded her hair, shadowed her face. She shook her head.

"I was very sick."

"Migraines." He said, humor in his eyes, humor in hers, for the lie they both knew she had told.

"Yes. Debilitating, and-full of sound and faces, and feelings. Gaia, Sephiroth, I know what it sounds like. But it was as real as anything. Now, it's just in the back of my mind, it's just a manageable pain. I'm fine now." She frowned. "I'm fine."

"You are?"

"As fine as a person can be." She smiled. "How about you?" she asked, and he was a little caught off guard by it.

"I'm fine." He said.

"I don't think you are." She said, and he stiffened.

"You don't know me." He said. "You are simply projecting."

"Maybe." She said, shrugging. "But maybe not. And I do know you." She said confidently now. He bristled.

"Because you've read a newspaper? Don't be so naïve."

"No, Sephiroth." She turned her body to face him, looked into his eyes. "I do, I know I do. Maybe not in a way I can really understand, but I-" she stopped and he met her gaze, felt as if she was looking right through him. He should've have told her to leave, to go back on her meds.

"What?"

"No, you'll think I'm out of my mind." She smiled, "And I like you, I don't want to mess this up." She blushed, and he wondered how she could like him when she barely knew him. He felt uneasy, annoyed. It seemed a very stupid thing to be so trusting, to have assumed enough about him, to feel comfort, _safety._ But quick on the heels of annoyance, was that strange fondness, whatever had moved him to let her come to stay the night.

"I suppose I...enjoy your company as well." He said a little begrudgingly, mostly surprised at himself. He asked himself why, because though she claimed to know him, he could not say the same about her. The only woman he'd ever had any kind of relationship with had been his own mother. "However," he began, "I'm certain you haven't properly gauged the situation, because if you had-" She looked at him and he tried not to glare, "If you had, you would not be so open, or trusting. I've done horrible things, and enjoyed them. There are times when _I_ am not even certain of who I am anymore—" He left off, slightly embarrassed that he had said so much. "There are times when I feel I am a different man than I was an hour before," he continued despite himself, if only to drive the point, "and I am consumed with such…such hatred. Times I feel nothing."

"Which is worse?" she asked, and he nearly laughed, it was such an unexpected question. "Which is worse, the hatred or the nothing?" she asked in her sweet voice. He shrugged, realized that he did not feel the anxiety anymore.

"I don't know." He said honestly, because he really didn't know, even on his supposed brilliance, those were questions he could not answer. Aeris played with one of the bracelets on her wrist.

"I'd rather anything over nothing." She said sadly. "I can't imagine that, the silence of it. Because even if I'm overcome with things I hear, see and feel, it's something, and I know I'm alive, even if I'm nothing but what I'm feeling." He watched her hand drag up from the bracelets to her milky shoulder. "And even hatred is a kind of passion." She said looking back at him again. "That's better than nothing."

"I suppose." He said, giving it some thought. "You're very odd." He said suddenly, only realizing how insulting that could be once it was out of his mouth.

"I know." She said, seeming to have not taken it any kind of way. They sat for a while in silence. "But so are you." She said, and he smiled.

"Yes, probably to a much greater extent." He said dryly. She laughed.

"I don't think so." She said, "But you know, maybe that's what I feel. Maybe that's why I feel like I know you."

"Why?"

"Because there's something in you I haven't felt in anyone else. Something similar…"

"That's very sweet." He said flatly.

"No." she said, voice lowering. "It's not. That thing that I feel, it's not sweet or good at all." He stilled, and she took his hand into hers. He could feel the thrum of her heart through her fingers. "It feels like what I imagine dying feels like." She said, and he felt as if he should be insulted, but he supposed that if anyone were to understand any part of him first it would have to be the death. That was what he did, what he lived, what he was. He snorted, surprised by her bluntness, finding humor in that she wanted to be near him when he made her feel in such a way.

If he did not think she was mentally unstable before, he certainly did now.

"And you like that?" he asked, incredulous. She shook her head.

"No, but it feels important, and it feels….real. And when I find something I know is real, I know I have to pay attention, because sometimes it's easy to get it all confused, between…what's real and what isn't."

He nodded, in full agreement. There were moments even his surroundings still seemed to be constantly shifting, from where he'd been and where he was now. Wutai had followed him and he knew it, followed him back to Midgar, to his apartment, and every space he was, and went to. He looked at her face, her mouth. He felt relief for someone having put words one of the many things that he struggled so hard to understand.

"I'd like to kiss you again." He said, watching her face for a reaction. He realized that it seemed sudden, but he didn't particularly care. He wondered if she would retreat from him, or tease him.

"Okay." Was all she said, moving closer to him on the couch. She curled her legs in and leaned against him, one small hand on his thigh to steady herself. He liked this better, he thought, being able to see her fully, in the silence. Being able to take his time and think about it, now that he had permission. He put his hand up to hold her cheek, very aware of the sound of her breathing, breathing harder than before.

Her cheek was soft, her lips even moreso when he ran his thumb over her closed mouth. He moved his hand down to her neck, and felt his own breath shudder out, looking at her face, the way she bit her lip when he covered the long curve he had been so admiring.

His kissed her on his own time, slowly now, hyper attuned to the way it sounded too, wet, which was exactly as it was. She closed her eyes, and he closed his then, pushing her back into the head cushion, and pulling her into his lap when the angle became tiring.

He was surprised she let him do that, more surprised when she moved to straddle him without complaint, ran her hands from his chest to shoulders and then hair. She had some trouble there though, and he loosed the knot of his hair for her, so that she could play.

He smiled, glad the length didn't put her off. She pulled away from him, and looked into his eyes.

"Can I?" she asked, hands on the buttons of his shirt. He nodded, watched her face as she undid them, surprised that she would want to do anything else. He hadn't been expecting anything else. The look she had was flattering, he had not trained his body so hard so that it could be appreciated in such a way, but it was flattering nonetheless. She didn't undo the buttons all the way, just enough to get her hands in. And he shivered, felt his blood warm when she ran her hands across him, down his sides. She looked at his face, and he tried to keep control of it.

He wondered if perhaps she was not virgin like he was. Wondered why he had just assumed that she was. She couldn't be, her touches were too deliberate. It didn't really bother him, if anything he felt less pressure to be cautious. He pulled her in more flush against him by her thighs, kissed her mouth and her neck, which made her say his name, which made him feel delirious, like he wanted more. Whatever she would let him have. He kissed her neck again, laying lines, giving in at times to the temptation of teeth.

"Don't stop doing that," she breathed, and he listened, relished in the feel of her nails pinching his bare shoulders. The way she sat, her dress had hiked up to the very highest point on her thighs to still be decent. His fingers were anxious to complete the journey, but he didn't want to spoil the mood and do anything she might not want.

Not when he had this. He might hate himself if he sent her running now. He pulled away from her.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, big green eyes full.

"Yes." He breathed, "I wanted…" What he wanted was to know where his boundaries were, without having to ask outright, but he couldn't seem to find the wording.

"What?" she asked, cheeks flushed. He didn't say anything and she kissed him. "What?"

"How far do you want this to go?" he asked finally, hearing the roughness of his own voice. She seemed surprised that he had asked like that and opened her mouth as if to talk and closed it again.

"I guess, not everything tonight." She suddenly seemed to find their situation very humorous.

"What?"

"It's just…I've never been with a man so straightforward." She laughed. He shrugged.

"Why be anything else?" He looked at her. "Have you been with anyone before?" he asked finally, not letting his eyes leave hers. She sighed.

"Yes. Just one."

"Oh." He said and she bit her lip, looking rather self-conscious. She didn't ask him. He wondered if it was because she had assumed that there was no way he hadn't, or that it was horribly clear it was the opposite and she didn't want to bring it up.

"I've never been with anyone like this." He volunteered, taking such pleasure in the look of shock on her face.

"Really?" she asked, and the question of why was so present in her eyes, he wished he had not told her.

"Yes." He bit out.

"Why not?" she asked.

"I had no desire for it." He said easily, thinking of the men and women he might have had that chance with.

"Do you now?" she asked softly, and he smirked, even though he tried not to.

"Yes." But he was sure it had to be incredibly clear, as she was currently sitting on proof of it. He had never had an erection that hadn't had to do with war and blood. And even then the arousal had never been sexual. This was different. She shifted on him and he hissed.

"Oh." She said, letting her hands wander down his stomach. The muscles pulled as he shivered.

She stood up off of his lap. Knelt in front of him. She looked up at him. He noticed that when she put her hands up on his knees that her fingers were trembling.

"Thank you for being so open with me." She said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "I…" she bit her lip, "I'd like to do something for you." She said, and he nodded. He watched as she gingerly placed her hands on his belt. She looked up at him again. And her cheeks had gotten so red she looked more girlish than ever. Her apparent nerves put him more at ease.

"Is it okay?" she asked, and he could barely breathe, under the feather light weight of her hands.

"Yes." At that, he watched her undo the buckles, carefully, then the zipper. He wasn't an idiot, he knew what she meant to do, but found he was apprehensive to be exposed to her. To have her do this when he hadn't really done anything for it, didn't really deserve it, hadn't actually done anything for her.

Her heard her gasp softly, and came back to himself, to see she had him completely undone, and was now just looking. She looked back up at him, her slim fingers moving nervously on his thigh. She leaned forward first, pressed a tortuous kiss to his stomach. He sighed, glanced out of the window towards the city. She pushed him back into the couch with a gentle hand.

She lacked so much finesse, but it made it somehow more exciting, less predictable.

"Tell me if you don't like anything I do." She said quietly. He doubted it, very much, that he would be telling her any such thing. It was strange. He had touched himself a few times, mostly unsuccessfully, and it had never felt like the way her hand on him felt.

She was the aggressor now, but she still had a timidness about it all that made it seem more illicit than it was. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, sighing. Why hadn't he done this before? He thought how none of this had crossed his mind earlier. He'd only expected to go to bed, and usher her out in the morning. He couldn't do that now.

When she took him in her mouth, he groaned, surprised. He opened his eyes for it, noticed that she was concentrating, dark eyelashes down on her cheeks. The suction, the warmth, the slickness was incredible.

"Look at me." He said, not knowing why he wanted that, but knowing that he did. And she did, completing that current of electricity pulling taut in his stomach. He let out a long shudder as she went faster, and deeper. He let his head fall back again with a sigh, and her name.

He struggled not to move his hips like he wanted to and choke her, which he assumed would effectively ruin the moment. She reached up as she moved, and brought one of his hands to her head, looking at him again, and he grabbed hold of her hair, resisted the temptation to control her. He ran a shaking hand through her hair, and he assumed she liked it, because she made a sound, the vibration of it snapping sharply through him like lighting.

He cursed, felt his eyes rolling back, the rug against his bare feet as they curled into it, her hair in his fist, and her tongue, her brilliant mouth all around him. He finished with the force of a punch to the face, and he watched her stay where she was, drink him in. He sagged into the couch, eyes closed. He heard her get up, pad quietly to the bathroom.

When she came back, she curled against him, kissed him.

"Thank you." He said, which he knew was the least he could say. The night had certainly taken a turn. He was still feeling waves even as minutes were going by.

"You're welcome." She said, with a giggle no less. How strange that she had just gotten him off with that same giggling, girlish mouth. "I'm really tired." She said, leaning her head on him.

"But I haven't done anything for you." He said, opening his eyes. She shook her head, smiling.

"It's fine, we have time." She said, but there was a question in it, as if she was asking if there really would be time, if he wanted to see her after this. There was an unexpected look of doubt on her face, worry.

"Yes." He said, fixing himself up and standing up from the couch. He felt absolutely drained. He went to his room to get her something to sleep in. When he came back she accepted the shirt with a smile.

He knew he should extend an invitation to share his bed, but he just could not bring himself to do it. Sharing his sleeping space put him distinctly on edge. He was already very aware that there would be another presence in his house while he was sleeping. He grit his teeth, wishing away the distrust, the anxiety. She certainly didn't deserve it.

And he could see in her face that she was expectant, hoping. He turned his back to her.

"Sleep well, I will see you in the morning."

He could almost hear her recoil, thought to himself as he went to his room alone that now, maybe she knew that she really didn't know him all that well.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Well, this was a quieter chapter. I really just wanted to have one just for them. I'm going to keep the rating up, so that I have room to explore the darker avenues I have been thinking about. Honestly, this thing is at a point where I have to commit to one of the many plots that have been floating around my head. I plan for it to get grittier, stranger, and possibly more supernatural. Not really sure, I might not do any of these things. But I hope the upped rating hasn't turned you away, I feel like these scenes are necessary (yes, fun to write too), can help show growth, and I hope to do them tastefully and realistically. On a parting note, I love you guys, your comments are so inspiringthought out and this is such a joy to write. Til next time!


	7. Chapter 7

When he woke up in the morning, she wasn't there. He took a silent walk around his flat to be sure, and confirmed it. She was gone. He was surprised he hadn't heard it, as light a sleeper as he was. His sleep had been the worst he'd gotten in years; predictably, he had not been able to block her presence out of his mind and couldn't properly settle down.

It was ridiculous, it wasn't as if she was an enemy or even capable of causing him real harm. But his skin had been crawling the whole night through, he had been aware of someone else near the whole night. She had left the shirt he gave her on the arm of the couch, and he brought it to his nose without thinking, could smell her flower smell, and his smell too.

He could smell them together, and it made him think of how it would be to have her body. And yet, he wasn't sure how to face her now that they had done those things. He couldn't very well look at her in the same way he had before; she was no blushing virgin, no child. It was surprising, he had been so sure about her purity, and now it seemed the tables were turned. He didn't know if he liked that or not. He felt himself longing for the innocence just for the opportunity to corrupt it, just so he might be the first to take it. He liked his possessions to be totally his.

He thought of the heat of her mouth as he made coffee, sweeping the hair from out of his face. He thought of her ex-boyfriend, the Wutain.

At a knock at his door, he put his coffee down and turned towards the door. Who would be visiting at this time of morning? Frowning, he went towards the door, not without a glance to his room where Masamune hung. He looked through the seer, and sighed, opened the door.

"Genesis."

"Good morning General." Sephiroth stood in the doorway and considered his friend.

"It is nine thirty in the morning."

"Yes, yes it is."

"What are you doing here?" Sephiroth asked, crossing his arms.

"Good to see you too." Genesis answered, unperturbed. Sephiroth saw that the man held two bags of what smelled like coastal cuisine. "Are you going to let me in Sephiroth, or are we just going to stand here exchanging pleasantries?"

"I apologize if I seemed the least bit pleasant." Sephiroth said flatly.

"You've never been a morning person, ironic considering how early you usually rise." Geneisis made a show of looking at his watch. "You've awoken rather late today. Why? Busy night?" Sephiroth blinked, momentarily at a loss for words.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? I saw the way you two were last night. Is she in there? I'm not intruding am I?" he said smugly.

"I've yet to even finish my coffee, Rhapsodos."

"So evasive. Well come on, I won't stand here all day. And honestly it's a bit indecent for you to be standing out here with no shirt on. Let's go inside. I brought breakfast." Genesis said and Sephiroth considered him, the plastic bags full of the aforementioned breakfast. He stood aside and let his friend in, locked the door behind him.

Genesis looked around in approval and cut a path straight to the kitchen.

"Where do you keep your plates?"

"Top left cabinet." Sephiroth said, picking up his tepid, unfinished coffee. He really wanted a shower, and to wash his hair. It annoyed him that he would now have to wait until this visit was over. He pulled a hand through the length of his hair and curled his lip, wanting only some time to wash it and brush it all the way through. It was one of the few vanities he allowed himself, and did not feel the need to rationalize.

"Gaia, you're in a mood. Perhaps my timing is not as good as I thought." Genesis said, making them both plates.

"Perhaps." Sephiroth bit out.

"So the night didn't go as you planned."

"I didn't have any plans beyond attending your party."

"Don't be cute Sephiroth, we're both grown men." Genesis muttered, looking through the kitchen drawers for silverware.

"Is that what we are?" Sephiroth said, getting two glasses of water and sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Among other things." Genesis said, having secured some silverware. He brought both plates over to the table and sat down. There was a silence. Genesis took a bite of the food, and looked past him to the view of the city through the windows. He took a long drink of water and sat back in his chair.

"I think Angeal would like her." He said, and Sephiroth stiffened, unsure of what to say. He nodded.

"He would understand her." Sephiroth offered, feeling uncomfortable. "How…" he stopped, "how are you doing?" he asked and Genesis rolled his eyes.

"Oh stop. I have a therapist Sephiroth."

"And yet you are always the one to instigate this particular conversation." Sephiroth said, idly spinning his fork. Genesis gave him a dark look.

"Not all of us have the luxury of feeling _nothing." _He said and Sephiroth laughed.

"You don't want it. And," Sephiroth took a drink of his coffee, "it's really more of an inconvenience than a luxury."

"Sure, you seem perfectly fine like that."

"I've learned to act." He paused. "Though not as well as you."

"Obviously not. But I suppose you're right, about Angeal."

"It's hard to lose a friend." He said, though it sounded rather empty to his ears. Genesis laughed.

"Yes, it is."

"Why are you laughing?" Sephiroth asked, irked.

"Because you are the least emotionally equipped person to be having this conversation with, but you're all I have." Genesis said.

"That is rather unfortunate." Sephiroth said, taking another sip.

"Yes." He said. "I dreamt that you were walking through a wall of fire." Genesis said seriously. Sephiroth cast him a look.

"You're very abrupt today." He said and Genesis leaned back and sighed.

"I know. And I apologize, this whole conversation is in very bad taste for breakfast."

"I don't care about that." Sephiroth said, there was almost a trace of humor in the red head's eye at that, the first trace of it he'd seen in a while.

"I know you don't. But I do, I just…don't feel at all like myself since-" Sephiroth had a feeling that things would be like this for a while. Genesis, for all his dramatics, was not very good at expressing his actual feelings. Unfortunately, he knew it only because the commander kept very closely to so many kinds of pretense from which he could then open up the subject of Angeal, or how the war had devoured whatever soul they'd arrived in Wutai with.

Sephiroth didn't care about that either, convinced he had very little to begin with. But Sephiroth did feel a weight in his chest, thinking of Angeal, and looking at Genesis who seemed far too sad and self-conscious of it all to really sell the character he'd made up to hide it. He'd never say it, because he didn't want to take it away from the man. And he was sure Genesis had to know how apparent it was.

"Did Scarlett at least provide a bearable distraction?" he said, despite everything, unwilling to talk openly about it himself.

"Ha." Genesis said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "She's completely strung out. And about as used up as a cadet's hand lotion."

"Really." Sephiroth said sarcastically, pushing the rice around on his plate.

"Don't give me that. It's not as if you would know it looking at her. She is a beautiful, intelligent woman."

"Maybe, but her mere presence never fails to negate both of those things." Sephiroth said easily, leaning back in his chair too. He wasn't very hungry.

"At any rate, I didn't take her home. I would have had to drag her there in her state, and I might've had more fun by myself, as lifeless as she was."

"Sounds like a lovely evening if ever I heard of one."

"Doesn't it? After I came back down, I just didn't feel like it anymore. But then I ran into that boy I was telling you about, the blond one, and…" Genesis left off, looked uncertain, "he brought you up."

Sephiroth sat up, alert now. He instantly knew the boy Genesis was speaking of, though he was nearly convinced the whole encounter in the bathroom had been a dream.

"Really."

"Yes, and…it's interesting. He really…._hates you_ Sephiroth." He said, chuckling. "I can tell by the look on your face that you know the boy I'm talking about. What did you_ do_ to him for him to feel in such a way?"

"I didn't do anything. I do not even know him."

"Yes well, he certainly knows you. And he seemed like he knew Aeris too." Genesis said and Sephiroth scowled. "Is he a disgruntled old flame of hers?"

"How would I know?" Sephiroth bit out, now wondering if that were true. Out of the many things Aeris was, honest did not seem to be one. They all had their reasons for keeping secrets, and so he didn't press her on even the obvious lies she told him. But if he had gained a legitimate and mentally unstable enemy because of her, he wasn't above changing tactics. He felt the excitement of battle, or something that felt like it, thrum through his veins.

"She has only been with one man." He said coldly, feeling for some reason as if he needed to set the record straight.

"Oh?" Genesis said, and immediately he knew his mistake.

"We won't be talking about this any further."

"She was here last night, wasn't she?" Sephiroth knew even his silence would give him away. He wished Genesis was one of the normal people that feared him.

"It's none of your business." He said and Genesis laughed.

"I bet it was interesting. I'm telling you, that one has surprise written all over her." Genesis smirked, "Is she a screamer, lip biter, hair puller?"

Sephiroth got up from the table.

"Genesis, I don't wish to talk about this." Genesis got up too, yawned, smiled.

"Such a protector of virtue." Genesis said and Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. That wasn't really it. He just didn't have any desire to talk about it, to share what was his. He supposed he could say she bit her lip, that her hands always found their way to his hair, that her mouth was exquisite, but that was for him to know, and no one else. He thought her Wutain boyfriend again. He wondered if she'd be the type to scream. But what did he know about any of it? He had rented pornography once, and found it unimpressive, strange.

And he didn't feel like indulging his oversexed friend, he didn't feel like talking at all.

"This boy, what's his name?" Sephiroth asked as Genesis put on his jacket. Genesis smirked.

"Oh, Interested now?"

"If this becomes a problem, I would like to be prepared to handle it." Genesis grinned then.

"Easy. This isn't Wutai, Masamune can't do all the talking."

"It can do most of it." Sephiroth said, thinking then how much he missed carrying it on his hip. But now that just wasn't practical. He didn't exactly need his sword to go grocery shopping. And if he needed to, there were countless ways he could use his own bare hands.

He did miss that sometimes. Genesis gave him a look.

"I'm not serious Genesis." He said, only half meaning it.

"Sure. I can never seem to tell with you."

"Hm."

"You'd be a hopeless comedian."

"Humor wasn't really a prerequisite for my career path."

"Tell me about it. You know…they're calling you a demon General now? What am I? Chopped liver?" Genesis said and Sephiroth stilled. Genesis seemed to realize that he hadn't known about it, and sobered up.

"Listen, I understand why you don't care for the paper and the news. I understand it more than anyone. But maybe you should-"

"Why?" Sephiroth said, turning away, thinking _demon general. _They were calling him that. Genesis frowned.

"Why? Because all of this is bigger than the war. We were integral parts in the start of something momentous Sephiroth, something significant not just to Wutai but the world." He stopped. "This merger, this new conglomerate, is going to be a new authority, western and eastern continents aside. And we have a responsibility now to a different power, so you can't go on ignoring it." He walked over to the door. "At the very least, recognize your celebrity."

"Celebrity?" Sephiroth said incredulously, "I've done nothing for it." Genesis laughed.

"Sure you did. You've led legions of men across the insular, untouched land of the east, and slayed swaths through the Wutain mountainside. Your face…" he stopped, "_y_our face is the face of bloody, western victory. You are admired for your power, but powerful because you are so feared. Don't you remember how your name travelled in Wutai, how some of the battles were already won just on the shadow of your arrival? It's that same fear that has given you fame."

"It doesn't make any sense." Genesis shook his head.

"Fame isn't a rational thing. And it's a thing of timing too. Honestly, we could have as easily been cast as villains for what we've done. But the time is calling for something of the opposite, people are scared and hoping, and so instead we've…you've been cast as a hero." He gave a short, joyless laugh.

"I don't want to be a hero." Sephiroth said and Genesis stilled, looked at him. Sephiroth didn't think he had seen the expression on him before. Quickly it was gone. Genesis turned and opened the door.

"Well that's too bad." He turned in the doorway. "You can't undo it, but what you can do is pick up a newspaper. It's not healthy to be ignoring everything-"

"A lecture from you on healthy living, that's interesting." Sephiroth interrupted, dismissive. Genesis didn't smile like he thought he would.

"I'm serious Sephiroth, if you keep pushing it down, it will only rear its head stronger and nastier than before. You especially, a complete repressive even on your best day, need to release yourself. If you don't, I honestly fear that you might snap."

Sephiroth laughed.

"You shouldn't let your fear rule you."

"And you should take your own advice." Genesis said and Sephiroth ignored him. "The boy's name is Cloud Strife by the way." He added. "Be careful of him, the boy is an iceberg is ever I saw one."

"Meaning?"

"Eighty percent of him is lying beneath the surface."

Sephiroth nodded, and closed the door.

It took him a few hours to prepare for the day. Happily he got to take the time to wash his hair and re-iron his clothes. He only had a few things to do. He needed to get groceries, for himself and possibly for his mother and brothers, meaning he needed to stop over at the house and check in on his brothers too.

When he reached the market, he found himself immediately at the flower counter. He hadn't meant to go there first, but if he was honest, he was bound to arrive there at some point or another. There was another man at the counter, and Sephiroth had a nagging feeling that he'd seen him somewhere before.

"Is it the flowers or the girl?" The man said in this voice that was entirely too jocular to be real. Sephiroth turned to glance at him and noticed that he had olive skin, and curious violet eyes. Clearly not Midgarian.

"I do not know what you mean." He said, hoping the man would pick up that he did not at all want to talk to him. Instead he smiled, which made Sephiroth feel annoyed, and a bit like he was missing something.

"The girl. The girl who works here, she's out of this world. I've been working up the nerve for weeks to ask her out."

Sephiroth didn't want to know all of that. Not even if he knew exactly who he was talking about now.

"Were you?"

"Yeah, and today I was going to, but I guess she's not here." He said, and Sephiroth wasn't sure how he should be feeling about this. Officially, he didn't have any claim on her, but the night hung over his head even now, and he didn't think it mattered what he called her. She was more his than anyone else's.

"She's dead." It came out of his mouth before he could think about it. But he stood by it, felt totally serene when he turned to look fully on the other man's face.

"_What?"_

"That's why she is not here today."

"She-"

"She's dead. An associate here told me she was found in her apartment, stabbed to death."

Sephiroth watched as the spirit drained from the man's eyes. He wanted to feel something about it, but there was nothing.

"You're…you're joking." The man said, color draining from his face.

"That would be a terrible joke." Sephiroth said flatly, turning to face the counter again.

"But,"

"It's fairly commonplace, in Midgar." The man was speechless. Sephiroth thought back to the taste of his coffee. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I…have to go."

"That seems best." Sephiroth said, watching him go. It was likely the boy would come back to confirm it, and then his lie would be discovered. But for now, he only wanted him to go away, or possibly believe him so sincere that he never came back. He waited for a while after that, and Aeris was nowhere to be found. An older woman met him at the counter.

"Sir?" She said, and he somehow knew that she was one of the Midgarians who knew about him, the demon General. How much longer until the whole world knew?

"I'd like to have some carnations wrapped."

He headed on the way to his next destination, flowers in hand. His mother loved black carnations, and he had planned on bringing them by. However, Aeris's absence from work had him wondering. He thought about the young boy, Cloud, and the man at the flower counter. He wondered if that was the kind of company she kept around her.

He realized that she was strange like him, but different for the way that people still genuinely wanted to be around her. The eyes that followed him now were not ones of genuine friends, but ones that knew him through newsprint, looked on him with desire, fear, and disgust. Looked on him as if he were an animal that was the first and last of its species.

He wanted to get away from all the eyes, all the noise of the city. His head felt full of the eyes and noise. He took in a long breath, but felt as if he had drawn in nothing. He felt like he was suffocating, and he reached in vain for a sword that wasn't there. He walked quickly, blindly, out the subway, not having to push his way through for the wide berth people had given him.

Did they know? Did they know his face, or did they sense the soul in him now, turning dark, extinguishing itself? There was a newspaper on his way out, and he could see in bold print news of the merger, and photos of Deusericus, and then more towards the bottom, a photo of him. He stopped, looked at the picture of himself. It was from the beginning of the war, when he had still looked like a boy. He hadn't given them permission to use it.

He stared, livid. The noise came back tenfold. He rushed back on his path, wanting to cover his face, to get away from everyone. He dropped the flowers in the gutter, feeling disoriented. He pushed himself through the door to the nearest bathroom he could find, and couldn't make it to a stall.

He threw up violently in one of the sinks, and hurriedly rinsed his mouth of it. He couldn't bear to look at himself, though he caught an accidental glance when he lifted his head at a soft hand on his back. The woman in the mirror looked startlingly like him, had long brown hair and a prim, white coat on.

"Son, are you alright?" He looked at her through the mirror, and thought for a moment that he really needed her, this stranger. But then he stood up, turned and pushed her away from him. Hard, too hard. She fell, and he realized belatedly that he had stumbled into the women's bathroom.

He looked down at his hands, but when he looked back up, she was gone. He blinked, and stepped back, ignoring his mobile buzzing. On his way out he could see that the caller had been his mother. He moved in and out of the crowd, trying unsuccessfully to calm himself down.

All he could think about though, were the times when a long rain in Wutai would function as a shower, and how he had not found one shampoo to remove the blood and rain smell from his hair. He thought about some of the children who he had killed, vicious, determined things that hid in the forest dark, and could wield their weapons like seasoned warriors.

He arrived at the door of her apartment as if by magic, having no recollection of how he got there. He thought of the young Wutain girls who had offered themselves in exchange for mercy, an unusual and often pitiful last resort, as the girls tended to be very proud. He thought about how he never relented, no matter how soft the thigh, pretty the face. Never was there any mercy.

It might've been better if he'd taken advantage, as much pleasure as he'd taken in the killing.

The door was open, and he stepped in without reservation, heard a crash at the back of the house. He moved towards the noise, quickly, when he heard Aeris.

"I won't go!" he stopped at her voice, thought of the Wutain girls again, but now about his father. The first boy he'd ever killed had taken the face of his father, and it had been a baptismal, ecstatic thing.

He stood at the door of the room where they were, looked on placidly at the scene. The ex-boyfriend had her firmly by the hair, but as far as he could see, she wasn't hurt at all. But that was beside the point.

That was beside the point.

He thought of his father again, that Wutain boy. The pull of steel through flesh, the release.

The sudden need of it almost knocked him off balance, and he held his head, thought of the papers.

Demon General.

He laughed, really laughed. And Aeris and the Wutain boy looked at him, clearly hadn't noticed he was there until now.

He couldn't stop laughing.

"Sephiroth!"

He hadn't felt this in so long, this connection, this energy moving through his veins like a fantastic chemical.

"Sephiroth!"

There was a hand on his back, he opened his eyes, unaware he had closed them, and turned to see Aeris pulling at him, her voice muffled, eyes wild as she pulled on his arm. He blinked.

"You're killing him!" she yelled, and he didn't know what she was talking about, why she sounded so distressed. At least until he looked to where both of his hands were fastened, tightly to the neck of her ex-boyfriend. He looked on as if separate from his body, at the changing pallor of his face, the stillness of his dark eyes. Sephiroth took his hands away and the man fell to floor.

Sephiroth stepped away, full realization dawning.

Demon General.

"I don't feel like myself." He said, backing away and turning quickly to leave through the door, down the stairs and to the street.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So I'm so sorry this was not a very Aeriseph chapter, but I needed to get more into Sephiroth, and also set up for the next chapter, which I have a lot of plans for. This end seems a bit abrupt to me, but I couldn't go any further without making this a super long double chapter. XD But anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, you all are of course amazing and awesome, and I will see you soon!<p> 


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